to a certain part of my mind this is like the first time I had sex all over again. Though I did take a gram of cannabis oil a short while ago and that may skew things slightly.
A few things:
This place is the place to purge my pretentions and goals to dominate my world, because no one else would take it seriously if I told them how seriously I take this and no one else outside is really listening anyway - they're worried about themselves, and I don't mean that in a vindictive fashion - the self image is an almost impossible beast to tame. just that when I type I feel in flow. I feel in flow with my mind, like I am respecting it truly for once, and feeding all the things I'm good at - reading, writing, self reflexion, and mad typing. I can almost type at the speed I'm thinking this, I actually have patience with my life experience in relation to how well my fingers operate as I think. They're almost fast enough to keep up with my thinking, which is more than I can say for anything else. The practice paid off. It also purges my ego and whatever else might be saying words in there. I honestly think this: I love the innocent kindness that touches someone else's soul. It's my favourite thing in the world. It feels truly good on the utterly deepest level. I'm smiling as I say this....it's creeping across my face!!rrgr :)
Enough reflexivity! Yes, back to 'ridiculous' plans that others would laugh at me for suggesting. (oh here's another one - be part of the movement to cure cancer with cannabis, sorry Dad for embarrassing you and practically putting you out of a job...) (EDIT - that makes me sound like the hippies and I take it back because the medical industry has done good) (EDIT - it's also probably killed a lot of people due to bad data management and overworked staff) (EDIT - I'm actually really glad we have the NHS and the most prudent thing despite everyone's attempt to get you over on their side is to keep it running and celebrate everyone who works there)
I can currently feel a warm band of burning THC in the top back right of my head, and the forward middle right. Healing is good for you. Two Months Off is on loop, and curtains are hanging somber over the secret sleep deck. But the air is charged and I can take my mind anywhere I want and you get to read it at the speedo of light, and wonder why everyone else doesn't talk this effervescently and with such free flowing gumption and utter suction of mental gravity to sit down and discuss with you plans to deconstruct this current blog narrative and convey that my mind is being sucked out of my head by a spiritual vacuum cleaner, which is different to a spiritual vacuum.
A very important lesson is to feel alive. I think I might have chemical depression because I have never, not once, talked to anyone ever about the times I would get tremendously sad and no one would notice - I don't think I expected anyone to understand the complex layers I had built up in my mind from a young age, it was my own private universe that I would retreat to whilst everyone else was doing something either boring, confusing, or terrifying. There was no grand artistic twist in the tale, I don't have Aspergers, I'm just very intense and very smart, sadly I know i. I think the gravity of my own self importance might have contributed to my crumble when no one showed up - not that no one shouldn't have, but, buried in the sadness there was a part of me that almost expected someone to attend to me right away just because I was sad, and then another part of me on top of those 2 that was self conscious and loathing of the fact commenting on the whole situation, plus I immediately intuitively understood all of those right away verbally, which is an extreme level of emotional intelligence and highly unusual for a ...5 year old to both have and understand. I mean....fuck, I'm special aren't I
My goals in life are as follows
-To master my personal management and attitude by pushing myself into increasingly more tricky situations to see if I lose my cool (I have lots of books to help me to that effect). In short: be happy all the time.
-To gain a photographic memory, amazing retention and 200wpm typing speed (in the English languages - might learn other languages on keyboard plus programming stuff)
-To become a dectathlete and a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, or as close to those as I can (I have a thing for practical versatility (it = pure freedom). I'd also love to learn some sports.
-To earn a 500k yearly income and get 2.1million in savings.
-To practice some of the practical spirituality techniques I've read about to see if they are real - namely out of body experiences/astral dynamics, lucid dreaming, manifesting/LOA, remote viewing, and on the more powerful end, chakras, and hallucinogens . Any one of those is a much longer practice for sure.
- To play anything I hear or read on drums, keys, guitar/bass, or vocals. Plus there's a laundry list of about 13 other instruments that I would love to own. I will travel everywhere and I will learn it through first hands, or degrees.
- Finally, I want a network of sharp minded business associates I can trust, who want to change the world, friends I can tell anything to, and a gal to die for. And a kick-ass house.
6 buckets, 13 goals. Away we go.
OK, the plan at the moment is to create a business whereby I provide other local businesses, optimized search marketing and a better online presence. 1 client at the low end could be about 10k a year (1k a month recurring) 10 of those, bleh, you can do the math. I'm going to some local business meetups to get this going. Once I have that figure, I will start automating and putting money into arbitrage and penny stock. I like how my fingers feel when I'm just flowing into this blog. I like nearly everything Underworld have done except their slower stuff. I like the colour red, and I like romance - or that deep feeling of bliss. Chemically they might be the same. Curiouser and curiouser. My brain waves still might be syncing at the moment and my neurons must still be waking up to give such a verbal waffling, but we are going to go and go until I've painted a sufficient picture of the coloured sunsets, and muffled alien whispers, and parched dilemmas, and twin sun solar systems, the rings of neptune in perfect blue, and I think I've caught my sister's cold
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