Hello humans! I'm writing this blog and compelled to make subconscious insertions about how it's all been done before and how boring I am and how this is an excuse not to listen to me. Whatever.
I'm Sam, a terminally ill 23 year old in Loughborough. I am a budding one-man band, entrepreneur, and mental and social escape artist. I've been doing the latter ever since I recorded over my parents tapes and took them around with fascination since that young age. My reaction nowadays would be to sit that young child in front of some Dan Kennedy tapes and Machiavelli, and learn about sales and social misfortune, with the stern discipline of a maniac determined to mould his youngling in ubermensch splendor. Actually, that happened, except 20 years later than expected, and mainly by accident, so whatever happens in this ticking time bomb of a brain will be summarily and on routine spat out in whatever verbal colour is inhabiting my consciousness (current hook is pretention and ego). Some things will make sense, others may not, but you're about to cut the fine line between boredom and depression into several chunks of white hot fury
I'm going to write, and it's going to be fun! Why? I enjoy words, I suppose that is the closest you can come to utter satisfaction with something. Merging into the divine of just utter flow, wouldn't you say? As mentioned, parents have been bugging me to document my experience ever since I was diagnosed with supposedly 'terminal' brain cancer 9 months ago. So I decided to just this moment, agree with them. I thought it would be forced and facetious, but it's flowing more cleanly than the sewers of London.
One point I want to address - I believe there is no inbuilt meaning into life, that only our presence gives things meaning. By presence I mean emotional flow, which is what emotions are (energy in motion), and how fast those things flow determines a particular emotional state. Negative things or positive things come to you according to if you match with how it makes you feel on a consistent basis. This is the basis of the 'law of attraction', and I don't see why so many people are complaining about that since considering at the root of it all, it's just energy physics... Besides, said people are not open to the idea because of their own emotional state, so there you go!
So let's continue. I am currently at my parents house, treating myself with hi grade cannabis oil ('Run From The Cure' on YouTube), listening to Underworld live and planning an elaborate and jawdropping escape plan worthy of my Hollywood captors from oh so long ago. Andy Du Freisne broke out of Shawshank Prison in 15 years, I plan to break out from unemployment and social stratification in just 3, whilst defeating my bitch of a brain tumour, Anna, who has the personality of a sleeping warthog. As I type, I've realised the entire basis of my misery -
I have had no avenue from which to completely freshly talk, utterly freely, in every direction.
But now I do. I will be a blogger, and I will be unrestrained, because Satan has strapped a rocket to my head. Those who don't like long words or honesty, fuck off.
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