I HAVE BASIC SELF WORTH AND VALUE JUST BECAUSE I'M HERE!
GOD AND THE UNIVERSE VALUE MY PERSPECTIVE JUST BY NATURE OF MY PRESENCE.
THIS IS THE BASIS OF WONDER AND WARMTH AND SECURITY. I AM ALIVE.
HOW COULD I FEEL OTHER TO WHAT I FEEL AND WHO WOULD CHOOSE OR DESIRE TO GO OTHERWISE?
ISN'T THIS GETTING JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE DELICIOUS?
This is all a lesson and a question. It's all electricity in my body.
I am most certaintly listening and caring. ..
I am angry at me! for not standing up for myself at every possible route.
I am hurt and very aware of that because I deserve everything that I am!
I am discouraged by my world.
THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER IN MY WORLD ALL THE TIME.
Everyone wants the conditions that I want, and EVERYONE CAN HAVE THEM.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
What I need to address in order to get better.
Focused visualisation on perfect health, as often as possible. 10x a day. maybe more. Feel warmth in the body.
Address my crippling lack of self worth and self sabotage, for years. Wrap it in warmth.
Find things that make me feel nurtured and happy and wanted.
Find all the episodes of deep ugliness in my life and ...wrap them in warmth. Bring clarity to confusion. Accept that they happened and find the gold within them. In order:
Mum hitting me and flying out of control
Marcus spitting in my face
Chris Woods beating me
Aimee kissing Ashley Fitpatrick and feeling broken hearted.
Feeling like I should never ask for anything because all that would happen is rejection.
The brutality with which I hated myself - that it broke off into another part of my personality that wanted purely to be sadistic and ugly. and that it probably let me get ill.
The shame I felt at the first day of St Bedes. How it never really let up and how I felt mocked by my peers and certaintly by my distant acquaintances.
This main feeling carried over through LGS and Rawlins, and even Drumtech.
It was echoed in every one of my painful experiences in love.
So what's the issue here? WORTHINESS. The feeling of BASIC WORTH AND VALUE.
Address my crippling lack of self worth and self sabotage, for years. Wrap it in warmth.
Find things that make me feel nurtured and happy and wanted.
Find all the episodes of deep ugliness in my life and ...wrap them in warmth. Bring clarity to confusion. Accept that they happened and find the gold within them. In order:
Mum hitting me and flying out of control
Marcus spitting in my face
Chris Woods beating me
Aimee kissing Ashley Fitpatrick and feeling broken hearted.
Feeling like I should never ask for anything because all that would happen is rejection.
The brutality with which I hated myself - that it broke off into another part of my personality that wanted purely to be sadistic and ugly. and that it probably let me get ill.
The shame I felt at the first day of St Bedes. How it never really let up and how I felt mocked by my peers and certaintly by my distant acquaintances.
This main feeling carried over through LGS and Rawlins, and even Drumtech.
It was echoed in every one of my painful experiences in love.
So what's the issue here? WORTHINESS. The feeling of BASIC WORTH AND VALUE.
Notes from the Dalai Lama.
Passivity is the enemy
We are the same
We need vision
We need stress free lives
Negligence and excessive force are bred from lack of awareness
The future of the world belongs on the shoulders of the under 30s
We are meant to be gentle
We must educate everyone on peace.
Heal the mind for peace
Heal the heart for happiness and warmheartedness
Find a vision for both from awareness
Aim for transparency, visibility, responsibility, and unity, within everything
Compassion leads to easier communication, which leads to trust, which leads to friendship
Monday, 25 October 2010
My future of music.
(in response to the news that Allan Holdsworth is retiring and Scott Henderson hates downloading).
OK, about this whole downloading thing, this is what I would do. I am speaking as someone who has downloaded about 100,000 tracks in his time. I painfully and sadly admit that. Scott's opinions are right on the money. Downloaders ARE the gangbangers of the Internet. If I wasn't a brokeass I don't think I would do this. Getting things for free devalues the end experience. Look at where we are today, surrounded by utterly useless (and by that I mean joyless) media - in a sea of it.
If it's not beautiful or useful, forget it.
If you can't define it or act upon it, forget it.
If it doesn't bring you joy - you WILL forget it.
I have questions.
Is downloading music stealing?
What is fair reimbursment?
Is it worth reimbursing people who get 4 hours sleep, 2 plane flights, a bus ride, and then get in just in time for soundcheck, and then do that up to 20 nights in a row, just because they work hard? No spite intended, this is a question of causality.
Do CDs really need to cost 20 dollars when you can get them for about 5?
Should people like me - where the only money I get is from disability allowance from the government for my illness (which goes straight back into medicine to keep me going) - be vilified for trying to enjoy themselves with free music? (Not to pull your strings, I look at this with little in the way of misery)
How are you going to control downloading?
Are those attempts to control downloading giving a good ROI? Isn't this going to carry on indefinitely? Aren't current attempts by the US government to shut down any site they please just fascism by any other name?
How do you legislate morality?
Is current mainstream music, with all it's horrible creative/mental limitations, worth paying anything for?
Isn't it about time that people started acting a bit more unrestrained when it comes to creativity, since it feels like everyone is drawing from a very narrow slice of their own spiritual and sonic potential? Aren't you bored with this shit?
Why do people make music - is it just texture, or something to dance to? Spiritual experience? Shouldn't the artist set their intent VERY clearly from the start?
Hasn't the Internet shot the bar SO high, that anyone who is not a Guthrie/Holdsworth/Shawn is immediately discredited? What effect does that have on the mind of the composer? Stress?
Isn't the core of the issue here 'survival of the fittest', that musicians (and everyone) is almost at the point where they are struggling to survive? Isn't it important for the government to ensure everyone gets basic survival needs taken care of? (I would argue the only feasible way to do this would be to create a one world government and dissolve all national borders, but that's another debate). Isn't rising energy costs going to make things like touring potentially unbearable in the not too distant future?
How do you future proof your musical career when you get older and your health comes more and more into question?
Is music worth anything at all?
Why don't people make more heartfelt, sincere product that we can all agree is worth reimbursement? Isn't dealing in 'style' being replaced by 'texture' and 'feeling'?
Where exactly are we going as musicians if we intend to be (and this is going to sound wacky but in so many ways it's the truth) the foremost outpicturing of the excitement and passion of our species? Isn't the current mainstream cultural climate just laughable in that respect - and isn't it also a glorious thing that there is so much room for improvement?
Here's what I would do. Go entirely digital, and build an e-mail list of 1000 or so true fans for my material. If you know about how to target Internet traffic, this shouldn't be too hard. People want the experience you offer. If you think it's worth offering with your heart and soul, then it most certaintly is. If you have the awareness to know that, you're already there. You can become twice as productive if you cut out all technological distractions; that should free up the time to learn this as a skill.
( If you are a musician, the best job in the universe is internet marketing. You get to learn all the ins and outs of customer relations and building an actual trustworthy relationship with strangers, it's very lucrative, you can do it anywhere, especially on tour, and it's as close to a guaranteed income as you can get in a job in this economy. Of course, there are a HORDE of snake oil salesmen in this regard, so I can only recommend to you Chris Farrell's membership site or Eben Pagan as the most trustworthy examples of this today. I am a true fan of Eben Pagan, for example, because he provides true value that is on the cutting edge of where human communication and awareness is at, plus he never spams me...!)
I would make sure it's GOOD material. I would look at it and ask, 'is that the best I could do, given all I was exposed to in my environment, and given all that I know is in my heart and soul?'
I would practice and develop my material in relative secrecy, and then a few months prior (or however long it took to reach critical mass), send out promotion on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and to my list. I would send out interviews to all the major internet zines, I would build natural search results in Google for my top keywords so that I was NOTICED by my audience. If this took too long I would outsource my efforts to the Phillipines. I would record it in a home studio. I've heard material that is fantastic quality and done from people's bedrooms. With some financial sense and over time, I could afford a mixing desk and good quality instruments - NO problem. I would have to plan over the years - actually getting the equipment, and a house etc, that was big enough to record, would easily be the biggest problem. But chances are you could do it in your basement.
So, the actual product:
Package 1 - MP3s (free)
Package 2 - FLAC plus MP3s - 8 dollars. It'll get leaked but I'll take what I can get.
Package 3 - Limited 12 inch picture vinyl plus all of the above sent out a week beforehand and unique material, books, graphic design and artwork that you can't get anywhere else, hell, maybe some 7 inches! - 40 dollars, or whatever. I actually get very visually inspired by music, I consider this a spiritual thing, and want to tie in other sensual areas towards the listener's experience. One of the best examples I ever saw of that was Diamanda Galas' 'Defixiones' CD. Very well done indeed.
Package 4 - Limited CD with drumsticks, picks, pictures, booklets etc, plus a thumb drive with remixes, guitar and drum tracks, and tabulature for remix purposes.
But let's get clear - no one really wants CDs anymore. You can download the music and the packaging is neglible at that size. if I wanted the physical experience, I would go vinyl. Nothing compares. It's a gift from God.
The cash I get from that IS the tour advance, and with the exception of the last, there's no physical overhead at all. Pure profit, and thanks to the people who were honest enough to pay for it. On the last one, the perceived value could be so high, I could charge very well for it. There are enough people out there who are interested in that to make it lucrative. I would then to drum up interest in tour dates. Where there was the MOST interest, I would set up myself, no agent, no more than about 10 VERY special live gigs, where I could absorb the audience fully into the concept I was trying to put forward.
I would set it up so far in advance that I would minimize stress. I would look at each venue's stage and setup ability. I would make setting up as quick and painless and automatic as possible. Being clear in your mind before hand takes the stress off...hugely. It might mean being less prolific because you are being selective, but it could also mean being MORE prolific, as everything that has been systematized HAS been.
In the meantime, i would practice backstage, and offer instructional material and personalized private lessons for the most select devotees.
So Allan - don't retire! Just become strategic!
OK, about this whole downloading thing, this is what I would do. I am speaking as someone who has downloaded about 100,000 tracks in his time. I painfully and sadly admit that. Scott's opinions are right on the money. Downloaders ARE the gangbangers of the Internet. If I wasn't a brokeass I don't think I would do this. Getting things for free devalues the end experience. Look at where we are today, surrounded by utterly useless (and by that I mean joyless) media - in a sea of it.
If it's not beautiful or useful, forget it.
If you can't define it or act upon it, forget it.
If it doesn't bring you joy - you WILL forget it.
I have questions.
Is downloading music stealing?
What is fair reimbursment?
Is it worth reimbursing people who get 4 hours sleep, 2 plane flights, a bus ride, and then get in just in time for soundcheck, and then do that up to 20 nights in a row, just because they work hard? No spite intended, this is a question of causality.
Do CDs really need to cost 20 dollars when you can get them for about 5?
Should people like me - where the only money I get is from disability allowance from the government for my illness (which goes straight back into medicine to keep me going) - be vilified for trying to enjoy themselves with free music? (Not to pull your strings, I look at this with little in the way of misery)
How are you going to control downloading?
Are those attempts to control downloading giving a good ROI? Isn't this going to carry on indefinitely? Aren't current attempts by the US government to shut down any site they please just fascism by any other name?
How do you legislate morality?
Is current mainstream music, with all it's horrible creative/mental limitations, worth paying anything for?
Isn't it about time that people started acting a bit more unrestrained when it comes to creativity, since it feels like everyone is drawing from a very narrow slice of their own spiritual and sonic potential? Aren't you bored with this shit?
Why do people make music - is it just texture, or something to dance to? Spiritual experience? Shouldn't the artist set their intent VERY clearly from the start?
Hasn't the Internet shot the bar SO high, that anyone who is not a Guthrie/Holdsworth/Shawn is immediately discredited? What effect does that have on the mind of the composer? Stress?
Isn't the core of the issue here 'survival of the fittest', that musicians (and everyone) is almost at the point where they are struggling to survive? Isn't it important for the government to ensure everyone gets basic survival needs taken care of? (I would argue the only feasible way to do this would be to create a one world government and dissolve all national borders, but that's another debate). Isn't rising energy costs going to make things like touring potentially unbearable in the not too distant future?
How do you future proof your musical career when you get older and your health comes more and more into question?
Is music worth anything at all?
Why don't people make more heartfelt, sincere product that we can all agree is worth reimbursement? Isn't dealing in 'style' being replaced by 'texture' and 'feeling'?
Where exactly are we going as musicians if we intend to be (and this is going to sound wacky but in so many ways it's the truth) the foremost outpicturing of the excitement and passion of our species? Isn't the current mainstream cultural climate just laughable in that respect - and isn't it also a glorious thing that there is so much room for improvement?
Here's what I would do. Go entirely digital, and build an e-mail list of 1000 or so true fans for my material. If you know about how to target Internet traffic, this shouldn't be too hard. People want the experience you offer. If you think it's worth offering with your heart and soul, then it most certaintly is. If you have the awareness to know that, you're already there. You can become twice as productive if you cut out all technological distractions; that should free up the time to learn this as a skill.
( If you are a musician, the best job in the universe is internet marketing. You get to learn all the ins and outs of customer relations and building an actual trustworthy relationship with strangers, it's very lucrative, you can do it anywhere, especially on tour, and it's as close to a guaranteed income as you can get in a job in this economy. Of course, there are a HORDE of snake oil salesmen in this regard, so I can only recommend to you Chris Farrell's membership site or Eben Pagan as the most trustworthy examples of this today. I am a true fan of Eben Pagan, for example, because he provides true value that is on the cutting edge of where human communication and awareness is at, plus he never spams me...!)
I would make sure it's GOOD material. I would look at it and ask, 'is that the best I could do, given all I was exposed to in my environment, and given all that I know is in my heart and soul?'
I would practice and develop my material in relative secrecy, and then a few months prior (or however long it took to reach critical mass), send out promotion on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and to my list. I would send out interviews to all the major internet zines, I would build natural search results in Google for my top keywords so that I was NOTICED by my audience. If this took too long I would outsource my efforts to the Phillipines. I would record it in a home studio. I've heard material that is fantastic quality and done from people's bedrooms. With some financial sense and over time, I could afford a mixing desk and good quality instruments - NO problem. I would have to plan over the years - actually getting the equipment, and a house etc, that was big enough to record, would easily be the biggest problem. But chances are you could do it in your basement.
So, the actual product:
Package 1 - MP3s (free)
Package 2 - FLAC plus MP3s - 8 dollars. It'll get leaked but I'll take what I can get.
Package 3 - Limited 12 inch picture vinyl plus all of the above sent out a week beforehand and unique material, books, graphic design and artwork that you can't get anywhere else, hell, maybe some 7 inches! - 40 dollars, or whatever. I actually get very visually inspired by music, I consider this a spiritual thing, and want to tie in other sensual areas towards the listener's experience. One of the best examples I ever saw of that was Diamanda Galas' 'Defixiones' CD. Very well done indeed.
Package 4 - Limited CD with drumsticks, picks, pictures, booklets etc, plus a thumb drive with remixes, guitar and drum tracks, and tabulature for remix purposes.
But let's get clear - no one really wants CDs anymore. You can download the music and the packaging is neglible at that size. if I wanted the physical experience, I would go vinyl. Nothing compares. It's a gift from God.
The cash I get from that IS the tour advance, and with the exception of the last, there's no physical overhead at all. Pure profit, and thanks to the people who were honest enough to pay for it. On the last one, the perceived value could be so high, I could charge very well for it. There are enough people out there who are interested in that to make it lucrative. I would then to drum up interest in tour dates. Where there was the MOST interest, I would set up myself, no agent, no more than about 10 VERY special live gigs, where I could absorb the audience fully into the concept I was trying to put forward.
I would set it up so far in advance that I would minimize stress. I would look at each venue's stage and setup ability. I would make setting up as quick and painless and automatic as possible. Being clear in your mind before hand takes the stress off...hugely. It might mean being less prolific because you are being selective, but it could also mean being MORE prolific, as everything that has been systematized HAS been.
In the meantime, i would practice backstage, and offer instructional material and personalized private lessons for the most select devotees.
So Allan - don't retire! Just become strategic!
Saturday, 23 October 2010
FURIOUS LOVE.
I'm watching this right now, and want to make a addition or proviso to my 'belief' section -
I believe you can cure all illness with love.
I'm not sure if I believe in the devil or an ultimate source of evil - but evil spirits, possession, and the occult? Absolutely. The first example listed in this film, called the 'mystic banquet' is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. There's only one link I could find on Google, the top of the first page, and even that makes for hard reading (and by that I also mean the author doesn't know how to write that well).
I am not the living breathing example of everything I stand by. I can only observe what is, and make decisions accordingly. I see that the sicknesses of our society can be cured by following Jesus' example and developing thought control: living with joy, truth, and love. This film is as close as I've ever seen to an outpicturing of that.
That said, when it comes to the nature of evil, I find the totality of the following, as a list of 'doorways to the devil', written by a supposed ex-Satanist, VERY hard to believe in. Some of the following I find silly, some plausible/interesting, and some I would just plain run away from because they're sickening to anyone with a functioning heart (ie, child abuse, incest, rape). Dungeons And Dragons? Martial arts? ESP, psychic ability, yoga, telekenesis, transcendental meditation, and astral projection, which I find interesting metaphysical abilities of the natural body? Studying the occult? 'ROCK MUSIC'? What's next - Harry Potter?
How are any of these things exclusively wrong? The religious would argue it's not worth the risk. I find that moralizing in this way is just as dangerous. That said, the bulk of the list is just beyond my interest. Can you say 'cold reading'? I have ZERO interest in going down the wrong road, so don't give me that sour milk face. I want to take full awareness of my body with these things as tools. God has ordained me to use them by the very nature of their existence in my being AS IS. If something wrong happens after that point it's due to outside influence. Also, gay monkeys.
And oh yes - 'repeated drunkeness' - don't stop now, is getting drunk right or wrong? I don't drink or smoke at all, I'm only taking cannabis oil for my brain tumour, by the looks of things I'm more hardline than you on this subject. The body's not meant to take in alcohol or tobacco at all. So let's say the gateway begins right then and there. You're not arguing that point because it's too deeply ingrained in social conditioning. That point in mind, how much of what you say here can I truly trust?
Come on - on a few of these, aren't you just suggesting to kill what you don't understand? How much of is this real? (and I believe in a lot of the things in this movie), and how much of it is a relic of the overly dramatic/dogmatic, intellectual/sexual ghetto Christians have buried themselves in? It's an open question, and to answers to this, so am I. Show me the observable spiritual truth, and my heart will, and does, change.
I don't want to avoid the truth of God's love. But I do want the ability to not use Jesus' name - EVERY OTHER WORD - to understand people who otherwise might be alienated.
The power of LOVE will SAVE this planet. This is the truth of Jesus. We're only just beginning to understand it. Going around with horns, tooting out our own magnificence, is pretty repulsive, as I've tried to point out.
Everything I believe in, radical honesty, EFT, alignment of your deepest self etc - is just love by any other name. That Christians go into the mouth of madness, hell on Earth, the sex trade in Thailand, for example, to free the hurt in people's hearts, to heal the sick and give homes to the homeless, is what I want to live for. People are hurt. I want to love unconditionally. The stories of peoples scars from working in the sex trade is so awful. One scar is a lifetime story that could take an emotional Everest to overcome. The number of scars we're talking about here is utter, screaming numbness. If I have ever contributed to this in any way, my God, I don't know how I could live with myself.
I'm now watching a man who just overdosed on heroin, run back to the city dump in Madrid looking for dirty needles to shoot up again. and these people are taking him back to his family. he's crying for his family. He says he deserves this.
Love.
Love.
Love.
But should I abandon my mind in the process?
"Horoscopes (I was guilty of this), fortune tellers, tea leaf readers, tarot cards, palm readers, seances, studying books on the occult arts, ouiji boards, ESP, psychics, astral projection (leaving your body), mediation (of ANY kind - I was guilty of this), water witching, divining for oil or minerals by using a dowsing rod or pendulum, any magic like levitation (I was guilty of this [light as a feather, stiff as a board]), telekinesis (moving objects with your mind), using mediums, spiritists to locate a missing object, any martial arts (I was guilty of this [jujitsu]), spells, incantations, etc. Any of the aforementioned things WILL OPEN A DOORWAY TO THE INFLOW OF SATANIC POWER AND DEMONS.
I believe you can cure all illness with love.
I'm not sure if I believe in the devil or an ultimate source of evil - but evil spirits, possession, and the occult? Absolutely. The first example listed in this film, called the 'mystic banquet' is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. There's only one link I could find on Google, the top of the first page, and even that makes for hard reading (and by that I also mean the author doesn't know how to write that well).
I am not the living breathing example of everything I stand by. I can only observe what is, and make decisions accordingly. I see that the sicknesses of our society can be cured by following Jesus' example and developing thought control: living with joy, truth, and love. This film is as close as I've ever seen to an outpicturing of that.
That said, when it comes to the nature of evil, I find the totality of the following, as a list of 'doorways to the devil', written by a supposed ex-Satanist, VERY hard to believe in. Some of the following I find silly, some plausible/interesting, and some I would just plain run away from because they're sickening to anyone with a functioning heart (ie, child abuse, incest, rape). Dungeons And Dragons? Martial arts? ESP, psychic ability, yoga, telekenesis, transcendental meditation, and astral projection, which I find interesting metaphysical abilities of the natural body? Studying the occult? 'ROCK MUSIC'? What's next - Harry Potter?
How are any of these things exclusively wrong? The religious would argue it's not worth the risk. I find that moralizing in this way is just as dangerous. That said, the bulk of the list is just beyond my interest. Can you say 'cold reading'? I have ZERO interest in going down the wrong road, so don't give me that sour milk face. I want to take full awareness of my body with these things as tools. God has ordained me to use them by the very nature of their existence in my being AS IS. If something wrong happens after that point it's due to outside influence. Also, gay monkeys.
And oh yes - 'repeated drunkeness' - don't stop now, is getting drunk right or wrong? I don't drink or smoke at all, I'm only taking cannabis oil for my brain tumour, by the looks of things I'm more hardline than you on this subject. The body's not meant to take in alcohol or tobacco at all. So let's say the gateway begins right then and there. You're not arguing that point because it's too deeply ingrained in social conditioning. That point in mind, how much of what you say here can I truly trust?
Come on - on a few of these, aren't you just suggesting to kill what you don't understand? How much of is this real? (and I believe in a lot of the things in this movie), and how much of it is a relic of the overly dramatic/dogmatic, intellectual/sexual ghetto Christians have buried themselves in? It's an open question, and to answers to this, so am I. Show me the observable spiritual truth, and my heart will, and does, change.
I don't want to avoid the truth of God's love. But I do want the ability to not use Jesus' name - EVERY OTHER WORD - to understand people who otherwise might be alienated.
The power of LOVE will SAVE this planet. This is the truth of Jesus. We're only just beginning to understand it. Going around with horns, tooting out our own magnificence, is pretty repulsive, as I've tried to point out.
Everything I believe in, radical honesty, EFT, alignment of your deepest self etc - is just love by any other name. That Christians go into the mouth of madness, hell on Earth, the sex trade in Thailand, for example, to free the hurt in people's hearts, to heal the sick and give homes to the homeless, is what I want to live for. People are hurt. I want to love unconditionally. The stories of peoples scars from working in the sex trade is so awful. One scar is a lifetime story that could take an emotional Everest to overcome. The number of scars we're talking about here is utter, screaming numbness. If I have ever contributed to this in any way, my God, I don't know how I could live with myself.
I'm now watching a man who just overdosed on heroin, run back to the city dump in Madrid looking for dirty needles to shoot up again. and these people are taking him back to his family. he's crying for his family. He says he deserves this.
Love.
Love.
Love.
But should I abandon my mind in the process?
"Horoscopes (I was guilty of this), fortune tellers, tea leaf readers, tarot cards, palm readers, seances, studying books on the occult arts, ouiji boards, ESP, psychics, astral projection (leaving your body), mediation (of ANY kind - I was guilty of this), water witching, divining for oil or minerals by using a dowsing rod or pendulum, any magic like levitation (I was guilty of this [light as a feather, stiff as a board]), telekinesis (moving objects with your mind), using mediums, spiritists to locate a missing object, any martial arts (I was guilty of this [jujitsu]), spells, incantations, etc. Any of the aforementioned things WILL OPEN A DOORWAY TO THE INFLOW OF SATANIC POWER AND DEMONS.
Also, use of recreational drugs (guilty!), repeated drunkeness, child abuse, any severe emotional and/or physical trauma may allow evil in. Sexual fornication is another big doorway (guilty!). Demons ARE passed from one person to another through sex. The author of the book said rape and violent sexual assault, especially in children, is a doorway she sees repeatedly used to come into people's lives. She said it resulted in some of the strongest demons she's ever met. She also said that incest and any homosexual activity ALWAYS leads to demonic infestation. Also any of the corrupt sexual practices condemned in the Bible and used in porn.
Biofeedback (guilty!) also trains people to gain control of areas of our minds and bodies that God has not ordained us to have control of. Biofeedback is modernized Yoga, satanic meditation, and witchcraft. Hypnosis (guilty!) and acupuncture are forms of demonic healing. All Eastern religions are various forms of demon worship. People don't know that the needles used in acupuncture are blessed by various leaders of the Eastern religions. Some Eastern religions are T.M. (Transcendental Meditation) and Yoga. Instead of doing Yoga, you should do Pilates which is similar and without the spiritual ramifications. Using hexes or spells or "voodoo" can even affect Christians. You have to be careful who you cross and who you associate with because they might get revenge on you in this form if you offend them. I had a friend in college who found out that a dude she was sleeping with had a girlfriend. Of course, she was hurt, so she said she was seriously considering having a lady who worked with her who knew voodoo to put a spell on him! I'm glad she reconsidered. Also, some demonic stuff is inherited if you don't get with Jesus. Even if you are a Christian, you need to close the doorway to any ancestors that have done witchcraft with the blood of Jesus. Elaine said that some babies were possessed before they even were born because of some deals their Satanic parents made.
She said one of the biggest tools Satan uses in the U.S. is the occultic role-playing fantasy games like Dungeon & Dragons. She said this is especially occurring in the West Coast. This next one will probably offend a lot of you. She said rock music was a carefully devised and executed plan of the devil. When she became the high priestess, she got to meet the famous rock stars. She said they had signed a contract to the devil for fame and fortune. If you look it up online, most of the famous rock stars die at age 27. I always wondered if it was because their contract ended at that age. Even the ones who didn't die at age more than likely have signed contracts. These rocks stars are teaching untold millions of youth to worship and serve Satan. I even heard that 3 6 Mafia (who used to be one of my favorites) are involved in witchcraft. Look how famous they have gotten with such silly music?! They have a Grammy! 3 6 could very well stand for 3 sixes (666). I listened to one of their songs slowed down, and you could hear them saying incantations in the background and in the chorus."
Thursday, 21 October 2010
...and up again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cTYhY3NUWE
People living in competition...all I want is to have my peace of mind. :)
S
People living in competition...all I want is to have my peace of mind. :)
S
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
To the bottom.
I find people boring. I have no interest in what they are doing. I feel guilt for this, because my emotionally stunted father makes me feel guilty. I feel violent rage and anger at him because of this, and the fact he's never here. He has no right whatsoever to instill this in me. I want to punch him in the face.
My mother is a little girl with no mother and a prick of a father who treated her appallingly. In the past, she swung between obnoxious shrieking and manipulative, lonesome weeping. Me and my sister felt deep pity and furious rage towards her for her tactics. My sister actually struck her once.
I feel like I'm above the ridiculous society in which I inhabit and wish to push the shame it has instilled in me right back its' rotten throat. I would rather be a leech, and often alone, than participate. This is why I sabotaged myself with bad grades and bad friends.
I still don't know why I suffer from paraletic fear. I can only theorise that it was because I was never allowed to be angry when I was young. I was made to suffer for it. Now there is a deep, burning, out of control sad fury in me that wants to destroy everything. That my early romantic entanglements spectacularly and gruesomely imploded no doubt contributed.
I have spent my entire life in solitude and bitterness, going over these concepts and burying ugliness deep into my foundation. I am both the worst of my parents. Anger, fear, and guilt.
Now I get to be manipulative, lazy, and ugly too. Just look at my last post.
My mother is a little girl with no mother and a prick of a father who treated her appallingly. In the past, she swung between obnoxious shrieking and manipulative, lonesome weeping. Me and my sister felt deep pity and furious rage towards her for her tactics. My sister actually struck her once.
I feel like I'm above the ridiculous society in which I inhabit and wish to push the shame it has instilled in me right back its' rotten throat. I would rather be a leech, and often alone, than participate. This is why I sabotaged myself with bad grades and bad friends.
I still don't know why I suffer from paraletic fear. I can only theorise that it was because I was never allowed to be angry when I was young. I was made to suffer for it. Now there is a deep, burning, out of control sad fury in me that wants to destroy everything. That my early romantic entanglements spectacularly and gruesomely imploded no doubt contributed.
I have spent my entire life in solitude and bitterness, going over these concepts and burying ugliness deep into my foundation. I am both the worst of my parents. Anger, fear, and guilt.
Now I get to be manipulative, lazy, and ugly too. Just look at my last post.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
OK
I woke up this morning and seriously considered the safest and most painless way to commit suicide.
It's over folks. The things I have tried do not work and I'm not sure I want to spend that much more time fooling myself. The last scan showed no improvement. This thing is not budging. My life has utterly fallen apart and will continue to do so. I have no hope for the future. Prayers are useless and your God is dead. Seriously, what's the point? Are you going to call me a coward for considering this, based under what I'm facing? Fuck you. Fuck my useless friends, fuck my controlling parents, fuck God, and fuck everyone reading this. Talk is cheap, cancer research is utterly useless, and this world is going to burn slowly and it will be your fault. I don't want your pity or your charity. Useless. What I do want is to burn every last bridge I have built. I want you to see how vicious, apathetic and ugly I can be. I reserve the most scorn for those who thought they were better than me, I want to rip off your head, shit down your neck, and piss on your grave. Come on, do your worst, hit a cancer patient, if you want people to hate you and banish you. None of you were there when I needed you the most and now I'm head down in the ground waiting to die. 'Oh he's over dramatic'. Fuck you, your empty life, your ugly children, your crappy house, your hypocritical mind, and all the rest. You are the reason this earth is going to toss you away like an infection, you loveless cunts. I'm rooting for global warming to wipe all these fucking smug Westerners off the planet, I hope the ones that hide and think they're safe, get the worst of it. Really. There's no joke here, there's no cymbal crash, the only thing I got for you is fucking bitterness. I'm not going to be saved. This thing is going to fucking kill me, painfully and slowly, unless I find a way to die with dignity. If the headaches become unbearable I'm going to Switzerland. If you don't like any of this, suck my fucking cock.
It's over folks. The things I have tried do not work and I'm not sure I want to spend that much more time fooling myself. The last scan showed no improvement. This thing is not budging. My life has utterly fallen apart and will continue to do so. I have no hope for the future. Prayers are useless and your God is dead. Seriously, what's the point? Are you going to call me a coward for considering this, based under what I'm facing? Fuck you. Fuck my useless friends, fuck my controlling parents, fuck God, and fuck everyone reading this. Talk is cheap, cancer research is utterly useless, and this world is going to burn slowly and it will be your fault. I don't want your pity or your charity. Useless. What I do want is to burn every last bridge I have built. I want you to see how vicious, apathetic and ugly I can be. I reserve the most scorn for those who thought they were better than me, I want to rip off your head, shit down your neck, and piss on your grave. Come on, do your worst, hit a cancer patient, if you want people to hate you and banish you. None of you were there when I needed you the most and now I'm head down in the ground waiting to die. 'Oh he's over dramatic'. Fuck you, your empty life, your ugly children, your crappy house, your hypocritical mind, and all the rest. You are the reason this earth is going to toss you away like an infection, you loveless cunts. I'm rooting for global warming to wipe all these fucking smug Westerners off the planet, I hope the ones that hide and think they're safe, get the worst of it. Really. There's no joke here, there's no cymbal crash, the only thing I got for you is fucking bitterness. I'm not going to be saved. This thing is going to fucking kill me, painfully and slowly, unless I find a way to die with dignity. If the headaches become unbearable I'm going to Switzerland. If you don't like any of this, suck my fucking cock.
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Belief
I believe that you shouldn't try to superglue anything to my awareness: not religious or political belief, not culture, not any preference, not any mental white noise, not even language if it gets in the way of what I would want to do. The pure empty space of no-thought is actually great fun. Hands off my mind, everyone.
I don't believe I'm in total a machine no matter what I'm told; it doesn't jive with my greater experience, or in colloquial terms, I just don't like it. Science does everything exceptionally well - except direct experience, in the moment, theory is impossible - and so I don't completely trust it.
I believe there is no such thing as time - we only know of the past because of our memories and extrapolation into some time in some future where we will supposedly exiist. There is only now.
I believe that there is no such thing as space - that all matter could be condensed into the size of a pinhead. So that means that... everything is here and now, and there cannot be a lack of anything.
I believe that humans evolved over a process lasting billions of years, without any external influence.
I believe there is a deeper level to life than social darwinism biology/survival of the fittest, and it's name is 'energy physics'. If you take atheism particularly seriously, consider scientists are discovering that in certain corners of the universe...the laws of physics may not actually apply. Even if you can't take everything the fringe does seriously (and thanks for that, particularly you, James Randi - we're not all frauds but how easy it is for people to take advantage), consider this point of view that some might call delusion, is actually quite...a fun ride?
I believe the above two statements do not contradict ,each other, that metaphysics answers what science cannot because it implies we are both creating the experience and being lived by it as biological mind monkeys. You only need to look at TMZ for 5 seconds to see folks are blinkin' crazy; a good case for Susan Blackmore's argument that we are gene robot 'meme machines' - it's time to come alive from the INSIDE OUT and use our surroundings as what they truly are: a prop for our own inspired joy.
I believe all belief systems have their place: nothing matters (nihilism), nothing matters because only you give it meaning (existentialism), there is no way to know the fundamental pillars of reality, only observe their effect (agnosticism) you (only) know what you know (gnosticism), there is no man in the sky, only life itself (atheism) etc etc. It's because we are making it all up as we go along: that belief is generative. You think and feel the thought, experiencing a different reality from an infinite number of right-now possibilities right away, and this is why we cannot agree - that different religions have been the same false wrapping over the same deeper truths that only a miniscule number of us have dared to explore, which means two things - religion is doomed to expire, and present moment mysticism is the only "true" belief system. But there is no right and wrong. Only what serves you and everyone else, and that changes as you grow. That said, certain things (like paedophilia) I understand logically but can find no way of excusing, though love has sprung from the darkest possible places.
I beleve life didn't come about to be destroyed on a whim, at least I wouldn't want it to be that way. This forms all of my morality.
I believe that if everyone saw any given situation from the highest possible light, our collective experience of negativity would end and 'negative' things themselves would be unable to exist in the world we create.
I beleve that the emotions underlying thought generate everything - they generate the thoughts that create the language and culture that in turn create all the institutions that make our lives easier. But the fundamental question towards anything upon first contact is always of emotional charge, the simple knowingness of whether this would be a more loving or fearful experience. Love is all emotions combined, and that acting from this place leads to perfect choices for that very reason.
I believe that transparency and visibility should be the hallmarks of all human institutions: religion, politics, society, everything.
I believe that natural law is the only law. I believe that good is good and bad is bad, hell is non-self realisation, that there is no burning pit. Why believe that Jesus came down purely to save you from what his father did? He plainly stated, 'even the least among you can do all I have done and even greater things.' What other way is there to interpret that than, you were born to be one with God, or at least be so close you can't know the difference? And what room is there for anything else?
I believe that the kind of spiritual hype that whoops and hollers, both Christian (judging all other faiths and namechecking Jesus every other word as if the image of perfection will be bruised and come down from eternal bliss to ask for royalties if you don't credit him) and New Age (using the word 'energy' too much, or being nice to the point of not having any balls/being passive aggressive) very distasteful, egotistical, self conscious and not a sign of great faith at all. Perhaps that's why people don't take spirituality seriously, and why there's been no sign of miracles that we can all agree on?
I believe there is no source of evil. Evil - sorry, 'unconscious' spirits who lean towards sadism, might be another story. But there is no source of ultimate evil out there. Darkness is the absence of light.
I believe death is not all it's cracked up to be. Our soul doesn't see death as a problem. Just look at the terminally ill who, now revealed to the futility of trying to control any of life experience, often accept their fate with infinitely more grace than their family. But let's be realistic: the vast majority of people who go to spiritual masters or Christian revival meetings seeking healing do not receive it. It's partly because their bubble bursts, that their false enthusiasm in the form of praise and worship is really just a shield for their deeply held belief that life is a struggle and a debt to be paid (though they have no definite idea as to what end), and that they will always be a 'have-not' who is prey to their alienation. Those people don't fool me or God; most of them are at church to get one up on each other in the social game, in one subtle form or another. True belief is often silent because it *doesn't need the props*. The ultimate nature of spirituality is hidden to all of us, because the mystery is ongoing and silent. Let the silence carry on.
I believe that we should dissolve all borders (whilst maintaining cultural individuality) in order to create a one world government which establishes four things: a flat tax established so no one goes without food, water, and shelter ever again,and providing the chance to do more, a peacekeeping force for settling any disputes that get out of hand, a wisdom based international education system that maintains a curriculum built around the child's voluntary participation and fullest excitement, plus a renewable energy network built around solar power, algae biodiesel, and fusion technologies.
I believe that anyone who takes drugs has not known the full splendour of themselves as an individual; that they are ultimately seeking joy, and so are not to be imprisoned or expelled from society but treated with calmness and compassion. I believe all drugs regardless of class should be made legal at the government level and sold at monitored dispensaries; say goodbye to all drug crime, hello to heavy taxation and social pressure (and biometric scanning) to keep abuse in line. I believe that hemp should be legalized for everyone; it's...just too useful.
I believe that sex is a truly wonderful, blessed experience that you should have frequently. Regardless of whether you are married. There is no shame in any consensual sexual activity. Regardless of what you may be thinking now. I also believe that if you have trouble with gays, you have trouble with yourself. The old part of me would just tell you to fuck off. The better part of me pities you.
I believe marriage is something you engage in every time you, as a fully aware individual, make a choice of joy fully with someone else that you wholly love. This is a rare and sacred experience that goes far, far beyond requirement, and, along with the other areas of practical spirituality that seem to have some validity (out of body experiences, for one) , is so rare an experience in our culture as to be non existent - though not impossible.
I believe that in the middle, all mental distinctions disappear and you enter the present moment wholly.
I believe there are an infinite number of emotional corridors to open and explore, as long as you're willing to be wrong about everything because the present moment makes your past assumptions a fool.
I believe its possible to build an automated 7 figure income stream with 20 hours a week maintenance, have bulletproof management and mindset where you deal with twice the data in half the time, speed read and type your way to academic degrees with photographic memory,, host your own Iron Man competition, be both an athlete and a strongman in perfect health whilst eating whatever you want, become a mixed martial arts champion, train for utter DIY self sufficiency on 2 hours sleep, learn practical spirituality (chakra training, lucid dreaming, remote viewing, angel communication, channelling, out of body experiences, ESP, manifestation, healing, teleportation, levitation, telekinesis, and transmutation), play whatever you want in a one man rock band and surreal art collective adjunct, travel to wherever you want, talk to any girl you want and give them 15 minute orgasms or more, live a life of constant joy, and teach all this to the most deserving of the least among you. You can have it all.
I believe most folk will have a hard time believing in any of this. That's not my problem, my beliefs don't require assertion from those who aren't in my space of awareness - though I welcome all comers. If the principal issue from them is 'I haven't seen it and neither has anyone else around me, so it's not true', well, why is sight so important when it comes to proving belief? Is it that it is a primary sense, one that others can share? Why do others need to share your experiences and beliefs in order for you to believe what you do? Is that really so important? And isn't such an attitude fear-based? If no human could see, vision itself would become an 'unknown unknown' and all discussion would pass by without that element of truth being considered, but that doesn't make it false. Such is it in the spiritual dimension of pure feeling, a place utterly unknown to all but the few who dare to experiment, and fail over and over again. Hats off to the iconoclasts, mystics, and nutjobs, because without such a varied spectrum of questioning people seeking ultimate revelation, we would still be in a palpable dark age of fear, run by a perpetual, schizo, Daily Mail police stat,e whose very ramblings reveal that it strives for a world it can never realise because it can never believe in it.
Tell me what you believe!
Friday, 15 October 2010
Stuff that I hate. An old classic.
Nothing riles my flesh, chills me to the bone MORE than NON BONELESS MEAT. To feel the harsh jagged edge of bone chip my teeth and send me into a hystrionic frenzy of toothache as my gums dissolve into blood sprinklers because some meatpacking abattoir loving fuckhead wanted to produce a cheaper alternative, makes me BOIL. The slippery assholes may be good at saving their money on the cutting floor, but they'll pay back in the end, in their own blood!
FAKE TITS - Now there's a subject that nips at my mammaries.
I feel sorry for the weakwilled, lily livered ladies who, in their moments of painful insecurity, decide that the only way to attract the already desperately hormonally overdriven male classes is to ENHANCE the parts of them that drive the guys insane REGARDLESS OF SIZE. Come ON girls, it's not too tricky to attract a man in this day and age! just say "i like it everywhere, let's go boogaloo"! That's IT. Job DONE. +1 male. I repeat, there is NO NEED to stick a sack of silicon in your chest. If there is some other reason, for example if you believe that the large mass will make up for the brain power or lack thereof crawling through your nervous system at a snails pace, as if silicon has some magical IQ component, then you deserve the inevitable implant rupture, silicon poisoning, and eventual death that will come upon you.
That'll be 3 thousand dollars please.
Hippies have been berated for many years. I personally find myself not glowing with a reverential hatred, but more of a cold, grey loathing for them, not unlike lung cancer. Not only does their committal to a vague, mysterious cause against the vague, mysterious enemy of Big Bad Money Company Thing Dot Inc chafe, but their vague, mysterious attitude. Not to mention, they fucking smell.
I have often found myself with a hippie on each leg, holding on for dear life as i surf through the cosmos of time, and all they can muster up is "you got money for a doobie?!" I can barely raise a finger to flick them off. Through the power of my infinitely superior will, they flake away like the proverbial dustmite. Because i'm doing something with my life. And they just fucking SMELL. I cannot muster the rage against them that other, more successful persons might. I have a dying tumour for each and every hippie in the world. Those grey pasty faced fools. They remind me of barry sipping tea with his aunt in their actual lack of vitality. They can stumble around all they want on LSD and the famous "brown acid". BUT THEY STILL FUCKING SMELL.
Female comedians - The detritus of the club circuit. It might be deemed un PC to rail on a woman in this day and age, as it seems the male is now meant to protect the innocent lady from all obstacles. but personally, the stage has no place for feminine firebreathers with inability to create jokes beyond basic observation, loose grasp of irony, looser emotional control, and a trigger finger. That's right. Thinking of going to see a female comic? Imagine your mother on stage. In drag. "IT'S TIME FOR ALL YOUR BEDTIMES NOW! NO ARGUING!" *click click*. The art of comedy is an irresponsible, joyful one. One that I see being clamped down on by iron maidens everywhere! BEWARE THE BEAST WITHIN....the local pub on a saturday night performing to drunk gang members. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Argentina - The horrible nation patrolled by reptiles that spawned Evita and thus the cinematic abortion of the same name. Anything related to Madonna should be castrated from the public consciousness, burned, incinerated, never to return. That means an entire NATION of otherwise blame free people. To inspire Andrew Lloyd Webber and subsequent film adaptations of his work featuring the child of Satan? Their existence should be NULLIFIED.
School - Orwell was right. That's right everyone, 1984 is being bred in the backyards of suburbia at your local primary school. Minature chavs seethe on top of the to-be depressed in a nauseatingly violent pre pubescent display of pummelling, and the teachers wield their certified weapons, sorry, text books, as a egotistical display of social superiority. I can't believe it's law for me to go to a building where my soul and innocence is beaten down. This is time that could in fact, actually be spent wanking. Who needs education reform, NUKE ALL THE SCHOOLS EVERYWHERE.
My Underpants - A formless, blank, whore of a piece of clothing that holds no clue to the wonders within. I beg of you, the ones that went sky blue in the wash are certified toxic. Overall, my opinion of these? They are without function, a pathetic use for fabric that could be used to build my own hammock. Society says otherwise? Fuck society, and FUCK UNDERPANTS.
Human Rights - Pfft. Overrated. All humans ever do is eat, sleep, fuck and die. I think the rest is excessive. I've stated my views on education. Time to force children into LABOUR CAMPS. Little bastards believe in rights over responsibility? Well soon they'll learn of the responsibility to AVOID MY LOADED SNIPER RIFLE. Fucknuggets.
Cookbooks - HAHAHAHAHAH. The concept alone amuses me. You call yourself a MAN? You don't need that pansy ass shit. You belong in the WILD, RIPPING RAW MEAT FROM THE HINDSIDE OF A DEER AS IT GRAZES BESIDE YOU. Now THAT'S cooking motherfucker!
Denim Jackets - The choice of garment for the prematurely ejaculating teen of modern America. Their choice of music is probably indie and they hold at least 2 Morrisey LPs under their crusty armpits for the lone reason that the man himself will appear to give their items collectable value. Solution: napalm.
Strawberry Flavoured Milk - If this had not been envisioned in an advertising executive's janitor room, I'm sure Hitler would have used this instead of Zyklon-B for his final solution. The acrid taste recalls trapped stool in the mouth mixed with McFlurry Dog Semen edition.
Toenails - Meaningless, horrible devices only designed with the Guinness Book Of World Records crowd in mind. "HEY MA I GOT MY NAILS REALLY LAUNG, I BREAK RECOOOORDS!!!" Shoot him please. Besides, I've seen what's behind a nail and it makes little to no difference if the damn thing is there in the first place. Nice going God!
Airplanes - Look at the nice tin can. Not. It's a bilious, roaring mass, airbourne mucus with inefficient American gusto. I pray nightly for them all to fall to the ground in syncronized glory.
Homeless People - No real complaint. You and I are one step away from being fucking bums so I'm not going to complain. No, I'm changing this one to NOT HOMELESS PEOPLE. "Ooh look at me, I have a house and modern amenities! My future is secure!" Watch out for that corner, BANG, you've been buttfucked by a Rottweiler and your mutual savings on the internet is GONE. The option that says "Yes I would like to stay logged in" is a GREAT defense against a dog who has lingustic control of the English language and enough motor control over his paws to transfer all YOUR money to his off shore account in Cuba. FUXX0RED.
Garbage - HAH. I love garbage. Good tasty fun. Bring it, I'll bring the hobos here too, we can party. Today we live, tomorrow we die, and you get screwed in the ass by a dog in your home.
Motorhead - OK, Lemmy is God, then I have him to blame for the toenail fiasco. WHY?!?! Well, it makes sense, Lemmy isn't reknowned for his visual complexity Himself.
Microsoft Word - Bill Gates brought together the finest computing minds in the country, and gave us a paperclip, a dog, and a New Age bullshit BALL as help assistants. This clearly reflects on the quality of the program. I wanted a flourescent green with pink dots skin, not this grey and blue crap. You thought the XP crew might have come up with something that gay after making such a camp paperclip. "Ooh let's call him CLIPPY". "WOW. Great 4 year old demographic you got going there". Yes, and let's counteract that with the fact he's animated to give you a decidedly homoerotic dirty look. Just STUPID.
USB Cables - And to continue their spree of poor sexual mindedness, they had to call each end of the USB cable "male" and "female". Of course, it could be "A" and "B". But NOOOOOOO. Male = invasive, female = OH TAKE ME PLEASE. There's sex EVERYWHERE today. I've HAD IT!
British Humor - The epitome of "laughing at". The bitter, sly taste of British "wit" is so far gone foreign people now can clearly see below the surface and see the proud, stupid facade it all is. Not to mention the whole British nation's fear of embarrassment. Which I'm sure is easy to stimulate, just mention Margaret Thatcher and the Falkland Islands. The ones who are proud of it are shitheads anyway.
Styrofoam - I will keep this one short. Do not leave this in the room whilst breastfeeding. I won't explain why, but the truth is out there.
Peanut Butter - My brain freezes upon the mental recall of the sticky drip that is peanut butter. Like a cold swab of jism, it sticks to the mouth and refuses to budge until wrenched free - with super glue. Woe betide the man who has the crunchy version, which I want eradicated from stores. I'll let God off the hook if he does this. Hear that Lemmy?? DESTROY CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER!
Laundromats - "That's right Granny. One 20p at a time. That'll be 4 minutes for the clothes to dry". So you say as the terrorists guarding the counter watch the time to launch their AK47s at you if you realise the whole thing is a CON to fund World War 3. Of course, it's not enough that they're NORMAL Middle Eastern folk. It's in the eyes. So yes, the not only tedious task of hauling your parents' wrinkled bras to the washer/dryer is a ripoff, it funds suicide bombers. GUARANTEED.
Water - What's this water business? "Extra minerals?" WHOOSH I'm the Six Million Dollar Man, *THANKS* Evian! I can do anything, I'll fly off a buildin-SPLAT. No, you're just another dead douche and that water was laced with psychotropics. Mineral water doesn't do shit. And tap water is for PUSSIES who should be hunting their water in the wild.
Busses - Aeroplanes on the road. I maintain my theory, the more bus/car crashes, the better. Use your legs you fucking pussies, you can learn to run as fast as a bus. Dumb fucks. AND THERE'S ONLY TWO "S"'s IN BUSES!!!
Coffee Crisp - Is this Toffee Crisp?! That jackoff snack aimed at workaholics wanting exciting new sensory amusement? Sniff that stuff, I dare you. The crunch is the corn out of my CRAP. I'll leave you to figure out the caramel filling.
Santa - HE'S. A. FUCKING. PAEDO.
Water World - Did you ever had days at the water park as happy as the kids in the adverts? NO. You remember getting skid marks on your bathing suit and effectual rug burn from losing your mat on the slide halfway down. Crying all the way home. More childhood trauma. Great. Fuck you Raging Waters.
Bananas - Now whose idea was it to have such a phallic shaped fruit?? This has inspired millions of people the world over to make half hearted gay jokes about their best friends. And, as I despise half heartedness - and homophobia - I wonder what it would be like if these people felt what it was like to be gay. TWO BANANAS, UP ALL OF YOUR ASSHOLES!
Cellphones - BING BONG! BEEP! Hey everyone, I'm a phone! I can play MP3s and store your music collection! I can record video of your best friend having buttsex on the lawn with a cat in a moment of drunken stupor! I can even give cultural credibility to an annoying frog imitating a car starting up! Yet I can't seem to perform my most basic of tasks when the reception fails!!! Yet another sign of our cultural wasteland overbearing itself. DIE.
Tattoos - Big hard man + tattoo of hentai chick + the ravaging effects of 40 years + nursing home = laughter from your senior peers. Let's see if your "love for art" extends to having your pride ripped from you as you basically stand on your deathbed. HA. HA.
Flower Gardens - Pussy ass gay fucking gaybuttsex shit. HUNT YOUR OWN FLOWERS!! HUNTING!!!! EXCLAMATION MARKS!!
Mexico - The vestigal tail of North America. Uncomfortably nestled inbetween the BADASS Panama Canal and California. I call upon Lemmy to smite it from the map as it is geographically unsound, and of not much use to anyone anyway.
Criminal Justice System - Who needs prisons. In fact, who needs death row? Just set the bereaving families upon all the criminals. Their vengeful murders will solve all the problems. I truly believe this is an unnecessary part of society. Makes my stomach CHURN.
Shampoo - Fucking CRAP! Since when did shampoo make you orgasm?!?! NICE JOB HERBAL ESSENCES, I PUT DOWN GOOD MONEY FOR THAT SHIT. We'll soon all be living in an apocalyptic wasteland where's there's no need for shampoo, so get used to it.
Tuesday - It's another inbetweener. The day AFTER Monday, but far before Friday. It's the middle child of the week, without any real design. Like an unwanted child, it sits there, just waiting to be over, because there are three more days to go until society sets you free for a while. I advocate euthanasia for Tuesday. Pull the fucking PLUG.
Cucumbers - Y'know why I hate cucumbers? The ladies refuse to have an imagination when it comes to their obvious implementation. Just another sign of the broad divide between man and woman. "Come on why not?" "Because it's a VEGETABLE!" "I never thought I'd say this, but only if you were FRENCH!"
They MOCK me. BASTARDS.
Screwdrivers - See cucumbers, but replace "vegetable" with "DIY implement".
Mother/Daughter Relationships - Let's face it, they're all lesbians. *shrug*
Wooly Mammoths - What fuckups. They roam the tundra of Earth, PWNING the unevolved lesser species before it. And then they have the TENACITY to get FROZEN. How delightfully anticlimatic. Pfft, they've lost their metal credentials if they can't survive a few thousand years in a block of ice. As I said...fuckups.
Inventions - In one of Lemmy's final grand ironies, this is the final sanctuary for the uninventive. Most of todays' daring designers are unfortunately a bit short on the old grey cells, m'dear. Human kind has been subjected to items such as the "24 hour Quake 3 toilet seat", LONG ENOUGH. If I can get the racists on my side and convince them there's an inventor conspiracy, I can live without the wackos in the world finding new ways for human kind to burn retinas, taunt their enemies with txt speak, and take a shit, at the same time. I will however, settle for them all SHITTING ACID into their toilet seats whilst crying for their mothers. To all Quake players and inventors, GET A REAL JOB POOFTERS.
Soup - Apparently the atoms decided to disband one day and form liquids. Pretty stupid of them huh? Instead of staying as solids they fall apart and occasionally bump into each other into a dreamlike state. Yes, like hippies. And then they have the nerve to call themselves TASTY? And have different flavours? What ever happened to the COLD HARD DISCIPLINE of being a diamond, sapphire, or hell, a bratwurst?!! Fuck off soup, and take your "unique exciting flavourings" with you!
Amazon.com - The sleek aesthetics of the terabyte sheen of Amazon is cruelly undermined by the sticking point that it's a pile of dog shit. My evidence? Their attempt to add some kind of artificial sentience to the cold and calculating corporate coprophagia. "Hi, virtual fuckstick here to offer you recommendations! You ARE Samuel Dyer aren't you?" No, you dumbass, I'm Barry, and this is Simon my gay redneck lover who's pet peeve is smart alec computers. He's handy with a shotgun and has the odd psychotic episode, if you catch my drift. Amazon.com offices, GET THAT SHIT OFF MY SCREEN.
Statistics - The pallid grease of the movie wanker slides down off a runny chin into a quivering heap of offal splayed to and fro his rickety office chair. Feebly stabbing at a cum encrusted keyboard, pawing his blackened base unit that has been sliced and diced with hardcore animal porn, logged into ImDB, he manages to enter the words: "OMG 87% OF SATAISTCIS R MADE UP ON THE SPOT LOL LOL" His heart stops as the realisation comes that statistics are a brown note in the history of small talk, the nervous cry of the lonely nerd at the school prom party making their creaky voice an unwanted presence in the crowded cliques with a desperate, solitary technical note that holds none of it's intended social value. And then, keeling over, and DEATH. Good riddance.
DVDs - (billgates) Check out all these exciting bonus features! nyuknyuk! (/billgates) Yes ladies and gentlemen, the mediocre thrills of stories from the set and CGI modelling of the lead actor's inefficiently sized cock can be yours on SPECIAL LIMITED TRIPLE DISC DIRECTOR'S CUT 25TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION! I'm surprised, after all these migraine inducing DVD adverts, the movie trailer guy hasn't slit his wrists. THE LONG WAY.
The number 11 - I despise the figure 11 as a drummer. It is a pathetic and unfunctional subdivision and time signature that no one really cares about. People like 19/16 and 5/4, not 11/32 or 11/2. Look mate, you look shit, you sound shit, you're the rhythmic equivalent of Emil, the Robocop Melting Man, you want someone to help you because you're inherently retarded but those odd notes will never be flattened out by anything except a CAR.
Wedgies - Once a pinnacle of terror. Nowadays, infuriating to the point of mental meltdown. As a person who when musing on the word "wedgie" thinks of children weeping blood at the hands of their mini-nazi oppressors, it cools my blood to a standstill to hear the uneducated ejaculate such loathsome misnomers such as "potato wedgies". There are no words for these scumbags. Though a wedgie with the use of potatoes could serve a grand purpose, the meaning is forever tainted by deceivers and pigfuckers. I SNEER AT YOU.
A Midget Fetus - First off, midgets shouldn't be allowed to live as they are abominations of Lemmy. He might find it funny but, as a servant, I find this despicable. If you are a fetus and at this point, I take the same stance as I would with a shemale. Kill it. Case CLOSED.
Watermelon - It's not bad enough that this sack of shit has to be perenially tied into stereotypes of an entire race. Oh no. It's one of the highest foods on the glycemic index! I have no doubt in my mind that this evil-as-obsidian olfactory deathknell is used in torture against diabetic soldiers in Melonomania. With the exception of its' use against any popular recording artists on USF tours that might fall captive, I will appeal in international courts for it to be designated as a violation of human rights. (Oh wait, I don't care about those either, hah!)
Rats - I actually like rats. I would use them as portable bombs to destroy the ill-intentioned. Very Happy
MSN - Appearances can be deceiving. MSN really stands for "Massive Sodomy Network". The program produces hypnotic subliminal messages on screen designed to make your eyes glaze whilst Microsoft executives sneak in and pillage your anus. They ARE PERVERTS. Forever frustrated from lack of female contact, now they'll take anything with a hole. YOU'RE NEXT.
The colour orange - Long utilised by smug Euro git "Stelios" in his "Easy" brand of companies - EasyJet, EasyInternet, EasyShit... First off, I despise anything "easy". There is only hard work, torture, and hardcore pornography in my new world. Well, that brings me to the exception of the one thing he HASN'T done...which frustrates me greatly. I can see it now.
"Hi, I'm Stelios, the owner of EasyJet. You know, sometime when you're feeling randy and you need to get laid, it can be difficult to find a brothel. But don't worry, I'm here to help. I have consolidated all the brothels together in the Soho area to make one super brothel. EasyLay! Our fine selection of ladies, men and transexuals, which you can pick online at www.easylay.org, are trained to perform any position or fetish you like. For one pound. That's right! Just one pound!"
I can only hope that he doesn't make them wear orange. (I certaintly won't).
FAKE TITS - Now there's a subject that nips at my mammaries.
I feel sorry for the weakwilled, lily livered ladies who, in their moments of painful insecurity, decide that the only way to attract the already desperately hormonally overdriven male classes is to ENHANCE the parts of them that drive the guys insane REGARDLESS OF SIZE. Come ON girls, it's not too tricky to attract a man in this day and age! just say "i like it everywhere, let's go boogaloo"! That's IT. Job DONE. +1 male. I repeat, there is NO NEED to stick a sack of silicon in your chest. If there is some other reason, for example if you believe that the large mass will make up for the brain power or lack thereof crawling through your nervous system at a snails pace, as if silicon has some magical IQ component, then you deserve the inevitable implant rupture, silicon poisoning, and eventual death that will come upon you.
That'll be 3 thousand dollars please.
Hippies have been berated for many years. I personally find myself not glowing with a reverential hatred, but more of a cold, grey loathing for them, not unlike lung cancer. Not only does their committal to a vague, mysterious cause against the vague, mysterious enemy of Big Bad Money Company Thing Dot Inc chafe, but their vague, mysterious attitude. Not to mention, they fucking smell.
I have often found myself with a hippie on each leg, holding on for dear life as i surf through the cosmos of time, and all they can muster up is "you got money for a doobie?!" I can barely raise a finger to flick them off. Through the power of my infinitely superior will, they flake away like the proverbial dustmite. Because i'm doing something with my life. And they just fucking SMELL. I cannot muster the rage against them that other, more successful persons might. I have a dying tumour for each and every hippie in the world. Those grey pasty faced fools. They remind me of barry sipping tea with his aunt in their actual lack of vitality. They can stumble around all they want on LSD and the famous "brown acid". BUT THEY STILL FUCKING SMELL.
Female comedians - The detritus of the club circuit. It might be deemed un PC to rail on a woman in this day and age, as it seems the male is now meant to protect the innocent lady from all obstacles. but personally, the stage has no place for feminine firebreathers with inability to create jokes beyond basic observation, loose grasp of irony, looser emotional control, and a trigger finger. That's right. Thinking of going to see a female comic? Imagine your mother on stage. In drag. "IT'S TIME FOR ALL YOUR BEDTIMES NOW! NO ARGUING!" *click click*. The art of comedy is an irresponsible, joyful one. One that I see being clamped down on by iron maidens everywhere! BEWARE THE BEAST WITHIN....the local pub on a saturday night performing to drunk gang members. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Argentina - The horrible nation patrolled by reptiles that spawned Evita and thus the cinematic abortion of the same name. Anything related to Madonna should be castrated from the public consciousness, burned, incinerated, never to return. That means an entire NATION of otherwise blame free people. To inspire Andrew Lloyd Webber and subsequent film adaptations of his work featuring the child of Satan? Their existence should be NULLIFIED.
School - Orwell was right. That's right everyone, 1984 is being bred in the backyards of suburbia at your local primary school. Minature chavs seethe on top of the to-be depressed in a nauseatingly violent pre pubescent display of pummelling, and the teachers wield their certified weapons, sorry, text books, as a egotistical display of social superiority. I can't believe it's law for me to go to a building where my soul and innocence is beaten down. This is time that could in fact, actually be spent wanking. Who needs education reform, NUKE ALL THE SCHOOLS EVERYWHERE.
My Underpants - A formless, blank, whore of a piece of clothing that holds no clue to the wonders within. I beg of you, the ones that went sky blue in the wash are certified toxic. Overall, my opinion of these? They are without function, a pathetic use for fabric that could be used to build my own hammock. Society says otherwise? Fuck society, and FUCK UNDERPANTS.
Human Rights - Pfft. Overrated. All humans ever do is eat, sleep, fuck and die. I think the rest is excessive. I've stated my views on education. Time to force children into LABOUR CAMPS. Little bastards believe in rights over responsibility? Well soon they'll learn of the responsibility to AVOID MY LOADED SNIPER RIFLE. Fucknuggets.
Cookbooks - HAHAHAHAHAH. The concept alone amuses me. You call yourself a MAN? You don't need that pansy ass shit. You belong in the WILD, RIPPING RAW MEAT FROM THE HINDSIDE OF A DEER AS IT GRAZES BESIDE YOU. Now THAT'S cooking motherfucker!
Denim Jackets - The choice of garment for the prematurely ejaculating teen of modern America. Their choice of music is probably indie and they hold at least 2 Morrisey LPs under their crusty armpits for the lone reason that the man himself will appear to give their items collectable value. Solution: napalm.
Strawberry Flavoured Milk - If this had not been envisioned in an advertising executive's janitor room, I'm sure Hitler would have used this instead of Zyklon-B for his final solution. The acrid taste recalls trapped stool in the mouth mixed with McFlurry Dog Semen edition.
Toenails - Meaningless, horrible devices only designed with the Guinness Book Of World Records crowd in mind. "HEY MA I GOT MY NAILS REALLY LAUNG, I BREAK RECOOOORDS!!!" Shoot him please. Besides, I've seen what's behind a nail and it makes little to no difference if the damn thing is there in the first place. Nice going God!
Airplanes - Look at the nice tin can. Not. It's a bilious, roaring mass, airbourne mucus with inefficient American gusto. I pray nightly for them all to fall to the ground in syncronized glory.
Homeless People - No real complaint. You and I are one step away from being fucking bums so I'm not going to complain. No, I'm changing this one to NOT HOMELESS PEOPLE. "Ooh look at me, I have a house and modern amenities! My future is secure!" Watch out for that corner, BANG, you've been buttfucked by a Rottweiler and your mutual savings on the internet is GONE. The option that says "Yes I would like to stay logged in" is a GREAT defense against a dog who has lingustic control of the English language and enough motor control over his paws to transfer all YOUR money to his off shore account in Cuba. FUXX0RED.
Garbage - HAH. I love garbage. Good tasty fun. Bring it, I'll bring the hobos here too, we can party. Today we live, tomorrow we die, and you get screwed in the ass by a dog in your home.
Motorhead - OK, Lemmy is God, then I have him to blame for the toenail fiasco. WHY?!?! Well, it makes sense, Lemmy isn't reknowned for his visual complexity Himself.
Microsoft Word - Bill Gates brought together the finest computing minds in the country, and gave us a paperclip, a dog, and a New Age bullshit BALL as help assistants. This clearly reflects on the quality of the program. I wanted a flourescent green with pink dots skin, not this grey and blue crap. You thought the XP crew might have come up with something that gay after making such a camp paperclip. "Ooh let's call him CLIPPY". "WOW. Great 4 year old demographic you got going there". Yes, and let's counteract that with the fact he's animated to give you a decidedly homoerotic dirty look. Just STUPID.
USB Cables - And to continue their spree of poor sexual mindedness, they had to call each end of the USB cable "male" and "female". Of course, it could be "A" and "B". But NOOOOOOO. Male = invasive, female = OH TAKE ME PLEASE. There's sex EVERYWHERE today. I've HAD IT!
British Humor - The epitome of "laughing at". The bitter, sly taste of British "wit" is so far gone foreign people now can clearly see below the surface and see the proud, stupid facade it all is. Not to mention the whole British nation's fear of embarrassment. Which I'm sure is easy to stimulate, just mention Margaret Thatcher and the Falkland Islands. The ones who are proud of it are shitheads anyway.
Styrofoam - I will keep this one short. Do not leave this in the room whilst breastfeeding. I won't explain why, but the truth is out there.
Peanut Butter - My brain freezes upon the mental recall of the sticky drip that is peanut butter. Like a cold swab of jism, it sticks to the mouth and refuses to budge until wrenched free - with super glue. Woe betide the man who has the crunchy version, which I want eradicated from stores. I'll let God off the hook if he does this. Hear that Lemmy?? DESTROY CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER!
Laundromats - "That's right Granny. One 20p at a time. That'll be 4 minutes for the clothes to dry". So you say as the terrorists guarding the counter watch the time to launch their AK47s at you if you realise the whole thing is a CON to fund World War 3. Of course, it's not enough that they're NORMAL Middle Eastern folk. It's in the eyes. So yes, the not only tedious task of hauling your parents' wrinkled bras to the washer/dryer is a ripoff, it funds suicide bombers. GUARANTEED.
Water - What's this water business? "Extra minerals?" WHOOSH I'm the Six Million Dollar Man, *THANKS* Evian! I can do anything, I'll fly off a buildin-SPLAT. No, you're just another dead douche and that water was laced with psychotropics. Mineral water doesn't do shit. And tap water is for PUSSIES who should be hunting their water in the wild.
Busses - Aeroplanes on the road. I maintain my theory, the more bus/car crashes, the better. Use your legs you fucking pussies, you can learn to run as fast as a bus. Dumb fucks. AND THERE'S ONLY TWO "S"'s IN BUSES!!!
Coffee Crisp - Is this Toffee Crisp?! That jackoff snack aimed at workaholics wanting exciting new sensory amusement? Sniff that stuff, I dare you. The crunch is the corn out of my CRAP. I'll leave you to figure out the caramel filling.
Santa - HE'S. A. FUCKING. PAEDO.
Water World - Did you ever had days at the water park as happy as the kids in the adverts? NO. You remember getting skid marks on your bathing suit and effectual rug burn from losing your mat on the slide halfway down. Crying all the way home. More childhood trauma. Great. Fuck you Raging Waters.
Bananas - Now whose idea was it to have such a phallic shaped fruit?? This has inspired millions of people the world over to make half hearted gay jokes about their best friends. And, as I despise half heartedness - and homophobia - I wonder what it would be like if these people felt what it was like to be gay. TWO BANANAS, UP ALL OF YOUR ASSHOLES!
Cellphones - BING BONG! BEEP! Hey everyone, I'm a phone! I can play MP3s and store your music collection! I can record video of your best friend having buttsex on the lawn with a cat in a moment of drunken stupor! I can even give cultural credibility to an annoying frog imitating a car starting up! Yet I can't seem to perform my most basic of tasks when the reception fails!!! Yet another sign of our cultural wasteland overbearing itself. DIE.
Tattoos - Big hard man + tattoo of hentai chick + the ravaging effects of 40 years + nursing home = laughter from your senior peers. Let's see if your "love for art" extends to having your pride ripped from you as you basically stand on your deathbed. HA. HA.
Flower Gardens - Pussy ass gay fucking gaybuttsex shit. HUNT YOUR OWN FLOWERS!! HUNTING!!!! EXCLAMATION MARKS!!
Mexico - The vestigal tail of North America. Uncomfortably nestled inbetween the BADASS Panama Canal and California. I call upon Lemmy to smite it from the map as it is geographically unsound, and of not much use to anyone anyway.
Criminal Justice System - Who needs prisons. In fact, who needs death row? Just set the bereaving families upon all the criminals. Their vengeful murders will solve all the problems. I truly believe this is an unnecessary part of society. Makes my stomach CHURN.
Shampoo - Fucking CRAP! Since when did shampoo make you orgasm?!?! NICE JOB HERBAL ESSENCES, I PUT DOWN GOOD MONEY FOR THAT SHIT. We'll soon all be living in an apocalyptic wasteland where's there's no need for shampoo, so get used to it.
Tuesday - It's another inbetweener. The day AFTER Monday, but far before Friday. It's the middle child of the week, without any real design. Like an unwanted child, it sits there, just waiting to be over, because there are three more days to go until society sets you free for a while. I advocate euthanasia for Tuesday. Pull the fucking PLUG.
Cucumbers - Y'know why I hate cucumbers? The ladies refuse to have an imagination when it comes to their obvious implementation. Just another sign of the broad divide between man and woman. "Come on why not?" "Because it's a VEGETABLE!" "I never thought I'd say this, but only if you were FRENCH!"
They MOCK me. BASTARDS.
Screwdrivers - See cucumbers, but replace "vegetable" with "DIY implement".
Mother/Daughter Relationships - Let's face it, they're all lesbians. *shrug*
Wooly Mammoths - What fuckups. They roam the tundra of Earth, PWNING the unevolved lesser species before it. And then they have the TENACITY to get FROZEN. How delightfully anticlimatic. Pfft, they've lost their metal credentials if they can't survive a few thousand years in a block of ice. As I said...fuckups.
Inventions - In one of Lemmy's final grand ironies, this is the final sanctuary for the uninventive. Most of todays' daring designers are unfortunately a bit short on the old grey cells, m'dear. Human kind has been subjected to items such as the "24 hour Quake 3 toilet seat", LONG ENOUGH. If I can get the racists on my side and convince them there's an inventor conspiracy, I can live without the wackos in the world finding new ways for human kind to burn retinas, taunt their enemies with txt speak, and take a shit, at the same time. I will however, settle for them all SHITTING ACID into their toilet seats whilst crying for their mothers. To all Quake players and inventors, GET A REAL JOB POOFTERS.
Soup - Apparently the atoms decided to disband one day and form liquids. Pretty stupid of them huh? Instead of staying as solids they fall apart and occasionally bump into each other into a dreamlike state. Yes, like hippies. And then they have the nerve to call themselves TASTY? And have different flavours? What ever happened to the COLD HARD DISCIPLINE of being a diamond, sapphire, or hell, a bratwurst?!! Fuck off soup, and take your "unique exciting flavourings" with you!
Amazon.com - The sleek aesthetics of the terabyte sheen of Amazon is cruelly undermined by the sticking point that it's a pile of dog shit. My evidence? Their attempt to add some kind of artificial sentience to the cold and calculating corporate coprophagia. "Hi, virtual fuckstick here to offer you recommendations! You ARE Samuel Dyer aren't you?" No, you dumbass, I'm Barry, and this is Simon my gay redneck lover who's pet peeve is smart alec computers. He's handy with a shotgun and has the odd psychotic episode, if you catch my drift. Amazon.com offices, GET THAT SHIT OFF MY SCREEN.
Statistics - The pallid grease of the movie wanker slides down off a runny chin into a quivering heap of offal splayed to and fro his rickety office chair. Feebly stabbing at a cum encrusted keyboard, pawing his blackened base unit that has been sliced and diced with hardcore animal porn, logged into ImDB, he manages to enter the words: "OMG 87% OF SATAISTCIS R MADE UP ON THE SPOT LOL LOL" His heart stops as the realisation comes that statistics are a brown note in the history of small talk, the nervous cry of the lonely nerd at the school prom party making their creaky voice an unwanted presence in the crowded cliques with a desperate, solitary technical note that holds none of it's intended social value. And then, keeling over, and DEATH. Good riddance.
DVDs - (billgates) Check out all these exciting bonus features! nyuknyuk! (/billgates) Yes ladies and gentlemen, the mediocre thrills of stories from the set and CGI modelling of the lead actor's inefficiently sized cock can be yours on SPECIAL LIMITED TRIPLE DISC DIRECTOR'S CUT 25TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION! I'm surprised, after all these migraine inducing DVD adverts, the movie trailer guy hasn't slit his wrists. THE LONG WAY.
The number 11 - I despise the figure 11 as a drummer. It is a pathetic and unfunctional subdivision and time signature that no one really cares about. People like 19/16 and 5/4, not 11/32 or 11/2. Look mate, you look shit, you sound shit, you're the rhythmic equivalent of Emil, the Robocop Melting Man, you want someone to help you because you're inherently retarded but those odd notes will never be flattened out by anything except a CAR.
Wedgies - Once a pinnacle of terror. Nowadays, infuriating to the point of mental meltdown. As a person who when musing on the word "wedgie" thinks of children weeping blood at the hands of their mini-nazi oppressors, it cools my blood to a standstill to hear the uneducated ejaculate such loathsome misnomers such as "potato wedgies". There are no words for these scumbags. Though a wedgie with the use of potatoes could serve a grand purpose, the meaning is forever tainted by deceivers and pigfuckers. I SNEER AT YOU.
A Midget Fetus - First off, midgets shouldn't be allowed to live as they are abominations of Lemmy. He might find it funny but, as a servant, I find this despicable. If you are a fetus and at this point, I take the same stance as I would with a shemale. Kill it. Case CLOSED.
Watermelon - It's not bad enough that this sack of shit has to be perenially tied into stereotypes of an entire race. Oh no. It's one of the highest foods on the glycemic index! I have no doubt in my mind that this evil-as-obsidian olfactory deathknell is used in torture against diabetic soldiers in Melonomania. With the exception of its' use against any popular recording artists on USF tours that might fall captive, I will appeal in international courts for it to be designated as a violation of human rights. (Oh wait, I don't care about those either, hah!)
Rats - I actually like rats. I would use them as portable bombs to destroy the ill-intentioned. Very Happy
MSN - Appearances can be deceiving. MSN really stands for "Massive Sodomy Network". The program produces hypnotic subliminal messages on screen designed to make your eyes glaze whilst Microsoft executives sneak in and pillage your anus. They ARE PERVERTS. Forever frustrated from lack of female contact, now they'll take anything with a hole. YOU'RE NEXT.
The colour orange - Long utilised by smug Euro git "Stelios" in his "Easy" brand of companies - EasyJet, EasyInternet, EasyShit... First off, I despise anything "easy". There is only hard work, torture, and hardcore pornography in my new world. Well, that brings me to the exception of the one thing he HASN'T done...which frustrates me greatly. I can see it now.
"Hi, I'm Stelios, the owner of EasyJet. You know, sometime when you're feeling randy and you need to get laid, it can be difficult to find a brothel. But don't worry, I'm here to help. I have consolidated all the brothels together in the Soho area to make one super brothel. EasyLay! Our fine selection of ladies, men and transexuals, which you can pick online at www.easylay.org, are trained to perform any position or fetish you like. For one pound. That's right! Just one pound!"
I can only hope that he doesn't make them wear orange. (I certaintly won't).
10 years in the making.
I arrived into Loughborough in April 2001. I had to hide under a collection of coats in the house that night because they didn't have a bed for me then. April 29th?
For 2 1/2 years I went to an all boys school. I remember being shouted at during induction because I was listening to music on my CD walkman. Start as you mean to go on. Highlights include alienating the entire student body on the first day, spending 2 hours in the library every Thursday submitting CD reviews on 'musicmademe.com' rather than submit myself to their CCF 'army training', and wanting to run home early because it was 2 minutes away from school to my street, going on a trip to California and being bullied by the year below me, hiding in the toilets rather than go to cricket, having no idea what was in a vulva in Biology, doing a shit job in Art, looking at the crowd of people playing football on the cricket pitch and knowing I would never fit in, doing disastrously at a game of hockey I was required to perform in, seeing a massive pool of blood down by the portacabins getting a huge blister on a day out and then being insulted by a real fucking cunt of a teacher ('oh dear, get in shape'), and strangely enough, fluking a B in Chemistry during my GCSEs.
I walked away on the final day with a proverbial middle finger, glad to be alive. The few good points included Johnny Weisall, the Maths teacher, Mr Khan, the Physics teacher, my nuts History teacher, and my terrific English teacher, who was a true encouragement. My French teacher wasn't bad either, even though he was hopeless. I developed my music taste and started drumming. Only problem was my self esteem at that point was through the floor and I didn't practice. I did what I do now, hide behind intellect, making large lists of what could be. I didn't really have any friends and spent every day after school drinking 2 liters of Coke and eating a pack of Pringles, playing Lemmings on my AMD computer, which later broke its motherboard and had a 40gb hard drive with 6k mp3s, naturally expire because it was part of a faulty batch at Fujitsu.
So I left and went to Rawlins Community College. The polar opposite of LGS. I walked up to a tall stranger wearing a Dream Theater shirt and introduced myself. Commonalities. I gotta say, this was a much more positive experience, despite being dubbed Skeletor in the first week. Highlights include: an obnoxious helpless chap called Nick Austin alienating our 12 strong peer group by masturbating in the public park around everyone (he's now an Australian surfer), my making a spiteful, but hilarious animated movie about him (which you can view at the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvRm0sCg_50 ), a hilarious presentation in General Studies on 'Social Mobility' in which fearless allies John and Joe include slow moving wheelchairs, the odd middle class dickhead, Samuel L Jackson, and 'Dr Joe answering questions and ruining your shit!', me and James inventing this gay, racist, fecrophiliac incestual idiot called John Walker, who was actually a real person but don't let that ruin your fun (link here:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/Scratch47/WalkerFile.jpg), many great house parties, and some that were shit (Hell With The Skel, one where someone lost their virginity the first time through), spending too much time in the coffee bar....much more. I was still an angry bitter chap and made many stupid decisions. I largely kept to myself though.
I decided to go to DrumTech in the fall of 2005. This is even more clear in the memory. I remember flunking the first live song I did because the singer went into an imaginary third verse on 'Midnight Hour', being quickly overwhelmed by the workload, being shouted at by my flatmates in the 3rd week because I was trying to download all of Adobe's products behind their backs without their knowledge (I still feel incredibly bad about this due to conscience), changing flats to moving with a Frenchman and virtuoso Italian drummer, who invited his family around and freaked me out (we ended up having a massive fallout 3 days prior to the end), practicing typing and downloading about a terabyte of movies from Usenet (I'm now of the opinion that downloading devalues the experience of media), my crazy Contemporary Styles teacher Phelan Kane....but the best things were teachers - Haydn Callow, Erik Stams, and Darryn Farrugia. They're all still there teaching. I wonder if they want to be there. With the possible exception of Erik, I just wanted to say to them, 'go and be happy, this is wearing on your soul. I'm sure you want to give up'
I took a year break where I planned to practice for the degree. It ended in depression and misery. I did no work. I tried getting my first job shelf stacking. I developed urticaria, a skin condition where I start frantically itching because I couldn't sweat. For a while that was tough. Now I have a portable sauna for that. That job was hell, I remember being on the top floor, again, thinking I could almost hide behind the back and no one would ever find me. Just like at school. How horribly, horribly sad. What a purposeless thing to take on myself - even as I said in my job interview I was willing to do anything, I understand fully and utterly now that I never could or will. My fulfillment is in joy, not compliance. I will never go back to a job, or school, ever again. All of that just hurt my heart. I hurt, I hurt, I hurt. I HURT. It just hurts.
I went to university, and failed in the first year due to a combination of paranoia, depression, laziness, and disliking my flatmates. Finances were hard. I didn't like the work. I spent a week in my doom room, not eating, reading up on the looming oil crash. I went home, started work on a computer course, and then in April of 2009 the brain inflammation/cancer thing started. I was typing up on productivity (oh the fucking irony) and my eyes twitch and go out of sync. I go to the opticians and get glasses fit. April 1st 2009 the doctor sends me to hospital. An MRI reveals a 15cm white patch in my right hemisphere. 8 months of neurology and opthamology does nothing. A biopsy reveals I have terminal brain cancer. I decide to fight it with cannabis oil, DCA, and Budwig muesli. Now we are up to date.
OK, even though my life seems to be, from this perspective, a reverse nightmarish descent into mediocrity and despair, there was a lot of positivity to it otherwise I might not have endured. I'm doing this because I want to learn a lesson for myself. That everything I went through was produced by my own idiocy. It can be reversed.
I'm typing this because inconsistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, and my life is a testament to inconsistency. I have to view it in as much a sense of totality as I can to get a bearing of where I'm going next, before my emotions pull my strings and I get distracted by the stuff of life, forget the entire spirit of this post, and continue on in insanity. I have to give 100% or be plagued by regret. And I'm not. Even upon review I feel it creeping up on me. FUCK YOU.
I don't want to build a friends list. I want to build compassion and integrity and trust. The entire nature of social networking is actually almost dehumanizing. It's like spreading yourself like a thin paste amongst acquaintances in a thin game of social stroking. The better game to play would be 'pass the parcel', and not cover up yourself and call that reality, but strip yourself bare and see who wants to play. You get a lot of weird looks. But you have to. It's who you are.
I'm listening to 'Scribble' by Underworld (scratch that, it's now 'Banstyle'). I love ambient a lot more than death metal these days, because I enjoy mindless texture. The pain of my choices has led me to not wanting to make any choice. I want to become superconscious. I want to melt into God, the all in all, and see where I go then. I keep saying, for the last 4 years, 'time to jump off a cliff.' Well, I could be dying. Let's go. And let's not carry this personal story of...being a little lost boy...which I have held in my heart ever since I was 3 and I saw my mother crying in Reigate, in a depressed stupor. I said...'don't cry mummy, or I'll cry too.'
That's one of my earliest memories. I've been dealing with a lot of things under that banner. Nearly everything. It's difficult to see how I would cope without this personal story. But that's the point. There are stupidities everywhere - nuclear war, Jersey Shore, illegal tunes on YouTube which I have enjoyed, bad haircuts, pollution and global warming, armageddon, the 10-30 window, sexual repression, fear of death, silly putty... this doesn't mean anything. Just more reactionary tales. How about living a life of real meaning? A life without fear? Where you melt into existence, and choices do not bear the burden of the past, at all, ever? New thoughts? No fear at all. In fact, it's almost wordless, because words are twisted before they leave your mouth, or are reiterated in a cloud of confusion.
Anything that runs contrary to love shall die. This is true, but it's another of those portentious statements that makes me tired of myself. So...God...(and not the fucking stupid, duplicitious, evil man in the sky who sets arbitrary rules, but the entire universe), let me be a vessel for joy, and all that comes through it. Salvation is a given. Got a poster on my walls, 'death or glory'. No. Death IS glory. It hurts, oh God it hurts, let it hurt, let the hurt shred through my body and resensitize me. PLEASE. Hurt.
Small starts, deleting Facebook. All these beautiful, intelligent, friendly people - some who have not been to me at all. I have to name names. I'm not sure Lucy Purves even likes me, for example. Many stupid Internet flings - I mean, my God, how pathetic is this? Just say goodbye. It was never real. If something never matches up to everything life has inspired you to be, drop it and run like the wind. That means people. It feels amazing. Goodbye. Goodbye, I love you.
Omina Yasmin - you're rather gorgeous and I enjoyed flirting with you late at night whilst watching Happy Feet in hospital 10 months ago, even though I didn't have the stones to kiss you and your culture forbids dating outside your religion. Parkour. More Underworld. Melting into God. Stream of consciousness.
Amanda Myhre, I always thought of you as a troubled soul. Your mother set herself on fire and I don't think you've ever forgiven yourself. Don't fall too prey to pretention whilst studying fashion.
Many more people, gone away, troubled by work or slaves to it, goodbye, you are all good people :)
Ben Banister - my old friend and drum teacher. This is nothing personal, it's just that this is dehumanizing beyond words to use this site to me. I don't want to be hooked on anything.
I've noticed people put up the pictures which resonate deepest within them. Goodbye to you too.
Yasmin - you are a sweetheart but I hate Facebook. Will see you soon.
Mikail Conybeare - Stop hiding from yourself, it doesn't serve you. You're too talented for this. You're missing your life.
Sam Jesson - I don't even know you, but once upon a time you inspired me. Maybe we'll meet again.
Rohini - I don't even know you. The only good memory I have of you was when me and Stuart both got naked and freaked the living shit out of 2 dozen people at my house party...I'll never forget the look on John's face as I ran into the living room.
Peter Vickers - I never really liked you, in fact, I don't think you even truly believe in Jesus. I think it's a social ploy for you. But I could be wrong and on the deepest level, give you love anyway...
Dan Blundell - you always were a little too self obsessed (I should know), but you turned me on to Zen and Osho, THANK YOU. God bless.
I know this seems facile. But today, doing something like this is akin to commiting social suicide. My personal stock points would be crashing, except for the fact I know no one gives a shit, not really. I see people separated from their deepest joy in every respect. Worse than sad. Short words befit. This is futile. It's going to be this way forever. Abandon ship. Off to, wherever. It's over. IT'S OVER. FACE IT.
Marcus Gooch....my old friend. Till we meet again. I don't think we'll ever go rock climbing like I said we would.
Jonathan Ho - I like you! Every time we've met you have been sincere and pretty open. I'll no doubt see you again in the flat.
Chris Abbass - you are terrific. I'm hanging on to you because I want to meet up with you again. You have lived a life thus far that's at least interesting and I want to know how you're doing.
Afia - you are also terrific, and I'm sending you a message to my MSN account, which I'll also be pruning heavily. That day we spent was rather wonderful, and though you are perhaps too naive in spirituality, I don't really know anything about your life. See you soon.
Timo - you're a SICK drummer. See you on the forums. Or not.
Jo Upton - you are a sweetheart. You have a good nature, and I see you actually choose to follow it sometimes. It will always serve you well.
Lydia Easton - WOW. I'm amazed at how you turned your life around. Sorry for the way I acted when you came up to see me. I was a bit of a dick that day, and cancer had nothing to do with it.
Carl King - I don't even know if I ever engaged in a personal relationship with this man, but his smart, witty, introverted style is great. I'm a huge fan of Dr Zoltan. His work is brilliant and scathing, and by all measures in my eyes, his rants were utterly right. Kindred spirit. Will follow his work. Or not.
Joe Adlard - I've never forgiven you for calling me 'human cancer'. That was a brutal thing to do. But you softened to me. I really enjoyed that evening we spent in the car back from my birthday, and never really connected with you on the same level again. That makes me sad. I REALLY like how you've built a loving and kind relationship with your girlfriend Melanie. I only hope it continues. I haven't seen that kind of goodness in our generation for quite some time. Or maybe I'm projecting. Blessings.
Sally Black - You are dopey and sometimes really irritating, but you have good intentions, and I hope you look deep inside yourself to take them to another level. Thank you for being kind and listening too.
Stacey Hyams - you're beautiful and that's why I added you. Otherwise I don't know. You're probably a good soul. Whatever. I don't know, I'm talking to myself.
Winnie - you were sweet and annoying and friendly and bitchy and a lot of things, you were my first girlfriend, my first lover, and a good person and woman. I miss you in all your dimensions. Have some joy, and I'll chat to you very soon.
Sophia - you're beautiful, and kind, and rather quiet. Thanks for being a good friend.
I'm too tired to do the rest. Bored here. I wrote this post with every intention of running away. I'm listening to Buckethead's Soothsayer. It reminds me of Budapest. The only place I've ever known true peace. Makes me weep. There were a couple more people to add on here but I don't have the heart...will edit to add later.
----
For 2 1/2 years I went to an all boys school. I remember being shouted at during induction because I was listening to music on my CD walkman. Start as you mean to go on. Highlights include alienating the entire student body on the first day, spending 2 hours in the library every Thursday submitting CD reviews on 'musicmademe.com' rather than submit myself to their CCF 'army training', and wanting to run home early because it was 2 minutes away from school to my street, going on a trip to California and being bullied by the year below me, hiding in the toilets rather than go to cricket, having no idea what was in a vulva in Biology, doing a shit job in Art, looking at the crowd of people playing football on the cricket pitch and knowing I would never fit in, doing disastrously at a game of hockey I was required to perform in, seeing a massive pool of blood down by the portacabins getting a huge blister on a day out and then being insulted by a real fucking cunt of a teacher ('oh dear, get in shape'), and strangely enough, fluking a B in Chemistry during my GCSEs.
I walked away on the final day with a proverbial middle finger, glad to be alive. The few good points included Johnny Weisall, the Maths teacher, Mr Khan, the Physics teacher, my nuts History teacher, and my terrific English teacher, who was a true encouragement. My French teacher wasn't bad either, even though he was hopeless. I developed my music taste and started drumming. Only problem was my self esteem at that point was through the floor and I didn't practice. I did what I do now, hide behind intellect, making large lists of what could be. I didn't really have any friends and spent every day after school drinking 2 liters of Coke and eating a pack of Pringles, playing Lemmings on my AMD computer, which later broke its motherboard and had a 40gb hard drive with 6k mp3s, naturally expire because it was part of a faulty batch at Fujitsu.
So I left and went to Rawlins Community College. The polar opposite of LGS. I walked up to a tall stranger wearing a Dream Theater shirt and introduced myself. Commonalities. I gotta say, this was a much more positive experience, despite being dubbed Skeletor in the first week. Highlights include: an obnoxious helpless chap called Nick Austin alienating our 12 strong peer group by masturbating in the public park around everyone (he's now an Australian surfer), my making a spiteful, but hilarious animated movie about him (which you can view at the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvRm0sCg_50 ), a hilarious presentation in General Studies on 'Social Mobility' in which fearless allies John and Joe include slow moving wheelchairs, the odd middle class dickhead, Samuel L Jackson, and 'Dr Joe answering questions and ruining your shit!', me and James inventing this gay, racist, fecrophiliac incestual idiot called John Walker, who was actually a real person but don't let that ruin your fun (link here:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/Scratch47/WalkerFile.jpg), many great house parties, and some that were shit (Hell With The Skel, one where someone lost their virginity the first time through), spending too much time in the coffee bar....much more. I was still an angry bitter chap and made many stupid decisions. I largely kept to myself though.
I decided to go to DrumTech in the fall of 2005. This is even more clear in the memory. I remember flunking the first live song I did because the singer went into an imaginary third verse on 'Midnight Hour', being quickly overwhelmed by the workload, being shouted at by my flatmates in the 3rd week because I was trying to download all of Adobe's products behind their backs without their knowledge (I still feel incredibly bad about this due to conscience), changing flats to moving with a Frenchman and virtuoso Italian drummer, who invited his family around and freaked me out (we ended up having a massive fallout 3 days prior to the end), practicing typing and downloading about a terabyte of movies from Usenet (I'm now of the opinion that downloading devalues the experience of media), my crazy Contemporary Styles teacher Phelan Kane....but the best things were teachers - Haydn Callow, Erik Stams, and Darryn Farrugia. They're all still there teaching. I wonder if they want to be there. With the possible exception of Erik, I just wanted to say to them, 'go and be happy, this is wearing on your soul. I'm sure you want to give up'
I took a year break where I planned to practice for the degree. It ended in depression and misery. I did no work. I tried getting my first job shelf stacking. I developed urticaria, a skin condition where I start frantically itching because I couldn't sweat. For a while that was tough. Now I have a portable sauna for that. That job was hell, I remember being on the top floor, again, thinking I could almost hide behind the back and no one would ever find me. Just like at school. How horribly, horribly sad. What a purposeless thing to take on myself - even as I said in my job interview I was willing to do anything, I understand fully and utterly now that I never could or will. My fulfillment is in joy, not compliance. I will never go back to a job, or school, ever again. All of that just hurt my heart. I hurt, I hurt, I hurt. I HURT. It just hurts.
I went to university, and failed in the first year due to a combination of paranoia, depression, laziness, and disliking my flatmates. Finances were hard. I didn't like the work. I spent a week in my doom room, not eating, reading up on the looming oil crash. I went home, started work on a computer course, and then in April of 2009 the brain inflammation/cancer thing started. I was typing up on productivity (oh the fucking irony) and my eyes twitch and go out of sync. I go to the opticians and get glasses fit. April 1st 2009 the doctor sends me to hospital. An MRI reveals a 15cm white patch in my right hemisphere. 8 months of neurology and opthamology does nothing. A biopsy reveals I have terminal brain cancer. I decide to fight it with cannabis oil, DCA, and Budwig muesli. Now we are up to date.
OK, even though my life seems to be, from this perspective, a reverse nightmarish descent into mediocrity and despair, there was a lot of positivity to it otherwise I might not have endured. I'm doing this because I want to learn a lesson for myself. That everything I went through was produced by my own idiocy. It can be reversed.
I'm typing this because inconsistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, and my life is a testament to inconsistency. I have to view it in as much a sense of totality as I can to get a bearing of where I'm going next, before my emotions pull my strings and I get distracted by the stuff of life, forget the entire spirit of this post, and continue on in insanity. I have to give 100% or be plagued by regret. And I'm not. Even upon review I feel it creeping up on me. FUCK YOU.
I don't want to build a friends list. I want to build compassion and integrity and trust. The entire nature of social networking is actually almost dehumanizing. It's like spreading yourself like a thin paste amongst acquaintances in a thin game of social stroking. The better game to play would be 'pass the parcel', and not cover up yourself and call that reality, but strip yourself bare and see who wants to play. You get a lot of weird looks. But you have to. It's who you are.
I'm listening to 'Scribble' by Underworld (scratch that, it's now 'Banstyle'). I love ambient a lot more than death metal these days, because I enjoy mindless texture. The pain of my choices has led me to not wanting to make any choice. I want to become superconscious. I want to melt into God, the all in all, and see where I go then. I keep saying, for the last 4 years, 'time to jump off a cliff.' Well, I could be dying. Let's go. And let's not carry this personal story of...being a little lost boy...which I have held in my heart ever since I was 3 and I saw my mother crying in Reigate, in a depressed stupor. I said...'don't cry mummy, or I'll cry too.'
That's one of my earliest memories. I've been dealing with a lot of things under that banner. Nearly everything. It's difficult to see how I would cope without this personal story. But that's the point. There are stupidities everywhere - nuclear war, Jersey Shore, illegal tunes on YouTube which I have enjoyed, bad haircuts, pollution and global warming, armageddon, the 10-30 window, sexual repression, fear of death, silly putty... this doesn't mean anything. Just more reactionary tales. How about living a life of real meaning? A life without fear? Where you melt into existence, and choices do not bear the burden of the past, at all, ever? New thoughts? No fear at all. In fact, it's almost wordless, because words are twisted before they leave your mouth, or are reiterated in a cloud of confusion.
Anything that runs contrary to love shall die. This is true, but it's another of those portentious statements that makes me tired of myself. So...God...(and not the fucking stupid, duplicitious, evil man in the sky who sets arbitrary rules, but the entire universe), let me be a vessel for joy, and all that comes through it. Salvation is a given. Got a poster on my walls, 'death or glory'. No. Death IS glory. It hurts, oh God it hurts, let it hurt, let the hurt shred through my body and resensitize me. PLEASE. Hurt.
Small starts, deleting Facebook. All these beautiful, intelligent, friendly people - some who have not been to me at all. I have to name names. I'm not sure Lucy Purves even likes me, for example. Many stupid Internet flings - I mean, my God, how pathetic is this? Just say goodbye. It was never real. If something never matches up to everything life has inspired you to be, drop it and run like the wind. That means people. It feels amazing. Goodbye. Goodbye, I love you.
Omina Yasmin - you're rather gorgeous and I enjoyed flirting with you late at night whilst watching Happy Feet in hospital 10 months ago, even though I didn't have the stones to kiss you and your culture forbids dating outside your religion. Parkour. More Underworld. Melting into God. Stream of consciousness.
Amanda Myhre, I always thought of you as a troubled soul. Your mother set herself on fire and I don't think you've ever forgiven yourself. Don't fall too prey to pretention whilst studying fashion.
Many more people, gone away, troubled by work or slaves to it, goodbye, you are all good people :)
Ben Banister - my old friend and drum teacher. This is nothing personal, it's just that this is dehumanizing beyond words to use this site to me. I don't want to be hooked on anything.
I've noticed people put up the pictures which resonate deepest within them. Goodbye to you too.
Yasmin - you are a sweetheart but I hate Facebook. Will see you soon.
Mikail Conybeare - Stop hiding from yourself, it doesn't serve you. You're too talented for this. You're missing your life.
Sam Jesson - I don't even know you, but once upon a time you inspired me. Maybe we'll meet again.
Rohini - I don't even know you. The only good memory I have of you was when me and Stuart both got naked and freaked the living shit out of 2 dozen people at my house party...I'll never forget the look on John's face as I ran into the living room.
Peter Vickers - I never really liked you, in fact, I don't think you even truly believe in Jesus. I think it's a social ploy for you. But I could be wrong and on the deepest level, give you love anyway...
Dan Blundell - you always were a little too self obsessed (I should know), but you turned me on to Zen and Osho, THANK YOU. God bless.
I know this seems facile. But today, doing something like this is akin to commiting social suicide. My personal stock points would be crashing, except for the fact I know no one gives a shit, not really. I see people separated from their deepest joy in every respect. Worse than sad. Short words befit. This is futile. It's going to be this way forever. Abandon ship. Off to, wherever. It's over. IT'S OVER. FACE IT.
Marcus Gooch....my old friend. Till we meet again. I don't think we'll ever go rock climbing like I said we would.
Jonathan Ho - I like you! Every time we've met you have been sincere and pretty open. I'll no doubt see you again in the flat.
Chris Abbass - you are terrific. I'm hanging on to you because I want to meet up with you again. You have lived a life thus far that's at least interesting and I want to know how you're doing.
Afia - you are also terrific, and I'm sending you a message to my MSN account, which I'll also be pruning heavily. That day we spent was rather wonderful, and though you are perhaps too naive in spirituality, I don't really know anything about your life. See you soon.
Timo - you're a SICK drummer. See you on the forums. Or not.
Jo Upton - you are a sweetheart. You have a good nature, and I see you actually choose to follow it sometimes. It will always serve you well.
Lydia Easton - WOW. I'm amazed at how you turned your life around. Sorry for the way I acted when you came up to see me. I was a bit of a dick that day, and cancer had nothing to do with it.
Carl King - I don't even know if I ever engaged in a personal relationship with this man, but his smart, witty, introverted style is great. I'm a huge fan of Dr Zoltan. His work is brilliant and scathing, and by all measures in my eyes, his rants were utterly right. Kindred spirit. Will follow his work. Or not.
Joe Adlard - I've never forgiven you for calling me 'human cancer'. That was a brutal thing to do. But you softened to me. I really enjoyed that evening we spent in the car back from my birthday, and never really connected with you on the same level again. That makes me sad. I REALLY like how you've built a loving and kind relationship with your girlfriend Melanie. I only hope it continues. I haven't seen that kind of goodness in our generation for quite some time. Or maybe I'm projecting. Blessings.
Sally Black - You are dopey and sometimes really irritating, but you have good intentions, and I hope you look deep inside yourself to take them to another level. Thank you for being kind and listening too.
Stacey Hyams - you're beautiful and that's why I added you. Otherwise I don't know. You're probably a good soul. Whatever. I don't know, I'm talking to myself.
Winnie - you were sweet and annoying and friendly and bitchy and a lot of things, you were my first girlfriend, my first lover, and a good person and woman. I miss you in all your dimensions. Have some joy, and I'll chat to you very soon.
Sophia - you're beautiful, and kind, and rather quiet. Thanks for being a good friend.
I'm too tired to do the rest. Bored here. I wrote this post with every intention of running away. I'm listening to Buckethead's Soothsayer. It reminds me of Budapest. The only place I've ever known true peace. Makes me weep. There were a couple more people to add on here but I don't have the heart...will edit to add later.
----
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
13-10-10
Five days till my scan result. Either way I will be saying, My God.
I watched Nanking. My God. And it's still happening to that extent.
I watched Spaced. My God. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. I will watch more tomorrow.
I watched Children Of Men, well, the best scenes and the extras.
The main points - A great portrait is more you than you. The best work uncovers the truth, ultimate reality. Utopianism is a dream - an important one, one that we have stunted. Isolated individuals have as much power as a state, with different ideologies. Contact, information change, and human mobility have been accelerated to the point of lack of control. Global warming will create environmental human migration, the privitization of land, and civil war. We have overshot the capacity of the planet to sustain us. Climate change is irreversible and we must understand it first before we learn to cope or we will fail.
We lack a basic worldview of totality, so the only option left for socially fractured communities and bands of political groups is fear of any given idea. It leads to a form of infertility: only shallow pleasure and fear can mobilize us all.
Humiliation and fear dominate the contact of populations - humiliation in the powerless from the powerful, leading to fear. We are so afraid of what will happen, we accept torture, genocide, and any transgression of humanity.
When perfection becomes primary, and life inteferes with systems and texts and perfection, that almost inevitably leads to fear and hatred. Dangerous utopias cannot co-exist with other systems.
The true utopia is the end of history.
In capitalism, economic inequality is acceptable as the engine of itself. Inequality brings richness. Abuse of power is thus legal. Suffering is a product of what we consider 'desirable'.
Our system thinks like a drug addict - it moves forward like a machine, feeling terrible and then wanting more.
The Earth gets fevers to deal with infections. We are the infection!
Walls are appearing everywhere. Economic frontiers are an obstacle to that end in globalization, but with people boundaries are still kept.
Globalization does not so much destroy culture as create a generation gap: old people stay, new people move to another culture to find identities. Membership - particularly if you are a migrant - becomes a problem. The global 'green zone' is another kind of membership where international culture and NGOs is installed in a country, replete with technology. When walls inevitably break down, those green zones are weaponized.
The real walls are INVISIBLE...and in the mind.
We are now in a cycle of economic and environmental crashes. This is climate apartheid - the poor will drown, the rich will build their green zones, states, and points of membership, and think of more ways of generating profit. This is environmental genocide.
We cannot act on global warming because we know it's true.
But personal alignment does work. I spent an hour in bed just meditating in bliss. I might be back very soon with good news.
Jessa will be coming in about 2 months. I'm....80% happy and 20% 'what the HELL am I doing?' I want to reduce risk. I want to not hurt a soul. I want to be sure I'm not making a terrible mistake. Yet she has shown sweetness. And light. And friendship. More so than nearly anyone I can think of outside my family, and that gives me cause for a big smile. I want to let her in...so...let her in.
I watched Nanking. My God. And it's still happening to that extent.
I watched Spaced. My God. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. I will watch more tomorrow.
I watched Children Of Men, well, the best scenes and the extras.
The main points - A great portrait is more you than you. The best work uncovers the truth, ultimate reality. Utopianism is a dream - an important one, one that we have stunted. Isolated individuals have as much power as a state, with different ideologies. Contact, information change, and human mobility have been accelerated to the point of lack of control. Global warming will create environmental human migration, the privitization of land, and civil war. We have overshot the capacity of the planet to sustain us. Climate change is irreversible and we must understand it first before we learn to cope or we will fail.
We lack a basic worldview of totality, so the only option left for socially fractured communities and bands of political groups is fear of any given idea. It leads to a form of infertility: only shallow pleasure and fear can mobilize us all.
Humiliation and fear dominate the contact of populations - humiliation in the powerless from the powerful, leading to fear. We are so afraid of what will happen, we accept torture, genocide, and any transgression of humanity.
When perfection becomes primary, and life inteferes with systems and texts and perfection, that almost inevitably leads to fear and hatred. Dangerous utopias cannot co-exist with other systems.
The true utopia is the end of history.
In capitalism, economic inequality is acceptable as the engine of itself. Inequality brings richness. Abuse of power is thus legal. Suffering is a product of what we consider 'desirable'.
Our system thinks like a drug addict - it moves forward like a machine, feeling terrible and then wanting more.
The Earth gets fevers to deal with infections. We are the infection!
Walls are appearing everywhere. Economic frontiers are an obstacle to that end in globalization, but with people boundaries are still kept.
Globalization does not so much destroy culture as create a generation gap: old people stay, new people move to another culture to find identities. Membership - particularly if you are a migrant - becomes a problem. The global 'green zone' is another kind of membership where international culture and NGOs is installed in a country, replete with technology. When walls inevitably break down, those green zones are weaponized.
The real walls are INVISIBLE...and in the mind.
We are now in a cycle of economic and environmental crashes. This is climate apartheid - the poor will drown, the rich will build their green zones, states, and points of membership, and think of more ways of generating profit. This is environmental genocide.
We cannot act on global warming because we know it's true.
But personal alignment does work. I spent an hour in bed just meditating in bliss. I might be back very soon with good news.
Jessa will be coming in about 2 months. I'm....80% happy and 20% 'what the HELL am I doing?' I want to reduce risk. I want to not hurt a soul. I want to be sure I'm not making a terrible mistake. Yet she has shown sweetness. And light. And friendship. More so than nearly anyone I can think of outside my family, and that gives me cause for a big smile. I want to let her in...so...let her in.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Monday, 4 October 2010
TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY
TAKE LIFE SERIOUSLY
You will appreciate that sentiment at some point in the future.
You will appreciate that sentiment at some point in the future.
A note on new music.
I need to have music going off as muich as possible in the background. It's such a wonderful thing to have. But really bizarre, envelope pushing music that takes me to a new place. There has to be some kind of forum where I can find people seeking a similar quest. Oh, how I miss that 'new record feeling.'
Plus 'Formulas Fatal To The Flesh' by Morbid Angel is an acid trip, and anyone reading this should immediately find some weed and stick that on. I have every intent of passing this blog address on to my family if Anna is in fact victorious, and they will have to broaden their horizons and listen to this. ;)
Plus 'Formulas Fatal To The Flesh' by Morbid Angel is an acid trip, and anyone reading this should immediately find some weed and stick that on. I have every intent of passing this blog address on to my family if Anna is in fact victorious, and they will have to broaden their horizons and listen to this. ;)
Sunday, 3 October 2010
03/10/10 pt 2
My goals in life are as follows
-To master my personal management and attitude by pushing myself into increasingly more tricky situations to see if I lose my cool (I have lots of books to help me to that effect). In short: be happy all the time.
-To gain a photographic memory, amazing retention and 200wpm typing speed (in the English languages - might learn other languages on keyboard plus programming stuff)
-To become a dectathlete and a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, or as close to those as I can (I have a thing for practical versatility (it = pure freedom). I'd also love to learn some sports.
-To earn a 500k yearly income and get 2.1million in savings.
-To practice some of the practical spirituality techniques I've read about to see if they are real - namely out of body experiences/astral dynamics, lucid dreaming, manifesting/LOA, remote viewing, and on the more powerful end, chakras, and hallucinogens . Any one of those is a much longer practice for sure.
- To play anything I hear or read on drums, keys, guitar/bass, or vocals. Plus there's a laundry list of about 13 other instruments that I would love to own. I will travel everywhere and I will learn it through first hands, or degrees.
- Finally, I want a network of sharp minded business associates I can trust, who want to change the world, friends I can tell anything to, and a gal to die for. And a kick-ass house.
That's what I said a few days ago. They are basically my life goals. When you get an urgent sense of your own mortality (OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE) it seeps through all these layers of emotion within you, where on one level you are a child, an emerging adult trying to grow, a scared little boy, a crazed wolverine, you're every role in the book, and not all of them resonate deeply within you. Sins of omission are considered much more grave than any of the supposed sins of the consequences of breaking major law. OK. Time to review the battle plan with this new emotional capsule.
-To master my personal management and attitude by pushing myself into increasingly more tricky situations to see if I lose my cool (I have lots of books to help me to that effect). In short: be happy all the time.
-To gain a photographic memory, amazing retention and 200wpm typing speed (in the English languages - might learn other languages on keyboard plus programming stuff)
-To become a dectathlete and a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, or as close to those as I can (I have a thing for practical versatility (it = pure freedom). I'd also love to learn some sports.
-To earn a 500k yearly income and get 2.1million in savings.
-To practice some of the practical spirituality techniques I've read about to see if they are real - namely out of body experiences/astral dynamics, lucid dreaming, manifesting/LOA, remote viewing, and on the more powerful end, chakras, and hallucinogens . Any one of those is a much longer practice for sure.
- To play anything I hear or read on drums, keys, guitar/bass, or vocals. Plus there's a laundry list of about 13 other instruments that I would love to own. I will travel everywhere and I will learn it through first hands, or degrees.
- Finally, I want a network of sharp minded business associates I can trust, who want to change the world, friends I can tell anything to, and a gal to die for. And a kick-ass house.
That's what I said a few days ago. They are basically my life goals. When you get an urgent sense of your own mortality (OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE) it seeps through all these layers of emotion within you, where on one level you are a child, an emerging adult trying to grow, a scared little boy, a crazed wolverine, you're every role in the book, and not all of them resonate deeply within you. Sins of omission are considered much more grave than any of the supposed sins of the consequences of breaking major law. OK. Time to review the battle plan with this new emotional capsule.
Note to self
If there's something out there in your field you haven't learned yet, and you have already maniacally pursued imitation for about a year - go back out and do some more!
03/10/10
There's something wrong when people put up clips of their fast foot technique on YouTube, with the insinuation that they are a better drummer because they are the fastest. If social status is their aim the only thing you win is a bunch of fanboys who want to suck your dick, and I don't swing that way. What a sad prize, and he never needed to go for it because self esteem, and being inspired towards a goal just because you want to do it, is utterly unimpeachable. Of course, you can't graft that reason as an excuse over your current action because you'll still be motivated by a bunch of essentially unprovable lies. Your girlfriend has no way of knowing that you have the best cock ever, even during *incredible* sex, and you have no way of knowing that you have the fastest feet, just because someone told you.
It's OK, though. Meditation is the key, right? There's nothing you have to do. So farewell to the current paradigm entirely, because who I am is more than gizmos and war. My standards are raised and I can't lower them because I can't untwist my mind from any of what it's seen or understood, as much as others would surely like me to so that their artificial social status would not be challenged. So it's the end of the line for this way of thinking, and I have to start all over again, with the same problem in mind, and progress with my new data in heart, and full awareness. The latter sometimes eludes me because I know all too well, that I am a product of my environment. The 5 people closest to me are my average. The world has provided me with language, and culture. But it's not MINE. Awareness goes deeper than you could fathom.
Speed is a numbers game, and I leave numbers to trig students and accountants. I want to live, and if numbers appear in that process, fine. Emotional flow beats speed, and that's closer to the nature of spirituality and true happiness than anything else, that is to say - trust your heart.
Music comes from the soul, from deep feeling of current circumstance, and trying to burn yourself out running is like having blinders on to your full self, who uses everything in concert.
An example - I am doing no-mind meditation to a video waterfall. This here is the pinnacle of concentration - see how long you can NOT think anything at all, and just listen to the sound. After a couple of sessions of that, things start to change. ..ciao.
It's OK, though. Meditation is the key, right? There's nothing you have to do. So farewell to the current paradigm entirely, because who I am is more than gizmos and war. My standards are raised and I can't lower them because I can't untwist my mind from any of what it's seen or understood, as much as others would surely like me to so that their artificial social status would not be challenged. So it's the end of the line for this way of thinking, and I have to start all over again, with the same problem in mind, and progress with my new data in heart, and full awareness. The latter sometimes eludes me because I know all too well, that I am a product of my environment. The 5 people closest to me are my average. The world has provided me with language, and culture. But it's not MINE. Awareness goes deeper than you could fathom.
Speed is a numbers game, and I leave numbers to trig students and accountants. I want to live, and if numbers appear in that process, fine. Emotional flow beats speed, and that's closer to the nature of spirituality and true happiness than anything else, that is to say - trust your heart.
Music comes from the soul, from deep feeling of current circumstance, and trying to burn yourself out running is like having blinders on to your full self, who uses everything in concert.
An example - I am doing no-mind meditation to a video waterfall. This here is the pinnacle of concentration - see how long you can NOT think anything at all, and just listen to the sound. After a couple of sessions of that, things start to change. ..ciao.
Saturday, 2 October 2010
I love anal sex.
There. I said it. I really love it. In a dirty, sexy, deep and full way. I love it because it's usually a newthing to her, it doesn't have to be dangerous, it sparks debate (and my brain likes that), it CAN feel good for her most definitely, I would stop immediately if it hurt here because I'm a gentleman, and it doesn't make you a pervert. In fact, nothing is perverted. NOTHING at all. I'm thinking of several members of my old church for some reason. It might be because they're gorgeous human beings and I find them sexy just generally across the board but will probably never gain the gumption to do anything about dat - even though I did have a flash of an alternate reality where we were both just a little closer towards vibrational POOMFPH. But I'll make do with this one - even though I just altered the one and only one of my individuation of the ultimate one, I'm still here and my feet are twitching.
I also love rough sex. In a very particular way. I love feeling on fire, deep burning passion up all over my body, which I want to celebrate, not as this bestial violent, deviant animal lurking in me (that is to say, weird shit freaks me out but dominance and a little pain are actually good for you) but as a sensual person instead. It seems only women can get away with saying that word, and not pasty white middle class nerds with bad fashion sense. But it's the best word I got. Like I would enjoy slowly throttling my love...to a gentlemanly limit of course. For some reason I want to think of the love of my life as a classy, educated upperclass girl, and I her charioteer? (lawl), that is , until she's not.
I also love rough sex. In a very particular way. I love feeling on fire, deep burning passion up all over my body, which I want to celebrate, not as this bestial violent, deviant animal lurking in me (that is to say, weird shit freaks me out but dominance and a little pain are actually good for you) but as a sensual person instead. It seems only women can get away with saying that word, and not pasty white middle class nerds with bad fashion sense. But it's the best word I got. Like I would enjoy slowly throttling my love...to a gentlemanly limit of course. For some reason I want to think of the love of my life as a classy, educated upperclass girl, and I her charioteer? (lawl), that is , until she's not.
Can't state how refreshing this is
to a certain part of my mind this is like the first time I had sex all over again. Though I did take a gram of cannabis oil a short while ago and that may skew things slightly.
A few things:
This place is the place to purge my pretentions and goals to dominate my world, because no one else would take it seriously if I told them how seriously I take this and no one else outside is really listening anyway - they're worried about themselves, and I don't mean that in a vindictive fashion - the self image is an almost impossible beast to tame. just that when I type I feel in flow. I feel in flow with my mind, like I am respecting it truly for once, and feeding all the things I'm good at - reading, writing, self reflexion, and mad typing. I can almost type at the speed I'm thinking this, I actually have patience with my life experience in relation to how well my fingers operate as I think. They're almost fast enough to keep up with my thinking, which is more than I can say for anything else. The practice paid off. It also purges my ego and whatever else might be saying words in there. I honestly think this: I love the innocent kindness that touches someone else's soul. It's my favourite thing in the world. It feels truly good on the utterly deepest level. I'm smiling as I say this....it's creeping across my face!!rrgr :)
Enough reflexivity! Yes, back to 'ridiculous' plans that others would laugh at me for suggesting. (oh here's another one - be part of the movement to cure cancer with cannabis, sorry Dad for embarrassing you and practically putting you out of a job...) (EDIT - that makes me sound like the hippies and I take it back because the medical industry has done good) (EDIT - it's also probably killed a lot of people due to bad data management and overworked staff) (EDIT - I'm actually really glad we have the NHS and the most prudent thing despite everyone's attempt to get you over on their side is to keep it running and celebrate everyone who works there)
I can currently feel a warm band of burning THC in the top back right of my head, and the forward middle right. Healing is good for you. Two Months Off is on loop, and curtains are hanging somber over the secret sleep deck. But the air is charged and I can take my mind anywhere I want and you get to read it at the speedo of light, and wonder why everyone else doesn't talk this effervescently and with such free flowing gumption and utter suction of mental gravity to sit down and discuss with you plans to deconstruct this current blog narrative and convey that my mind is being sucked out of my head by a spiritual vacuum cleaner, which is different to a spiritual vacuum.
A very important lesson is to feel alive. I think I might have chemical depression because I have never, not once, talked to anyone ever about the times I would get tremendously sad and no one would notice - I don't think I expected anyone to understand the complex layers I had built up in my mind from a young age, it was my own private universe that I would retreat to whilst everyone else was doing something either boring, confusing, or terrifying. There was no grand artistic twist in the tale, I don't have Aspergers, I'm just very intense and very smart, sadly I know i. I think the gravity of my own self importance might have contributed to my crumble when no one showed up - not that no one shouldn't have, but, buried in the sadness there was a part of me that almost expected someone to attend to me right away just because I was sad, and then another part of me on top of those 2 that was self conscious and loathing of the fact commenting on the whole situation, plus I immediately intuitively understood all of those right away verbally, which is an extreme level of emotional intelligence and highly unusual for a ...5 year old to both have and understand. I mean....fuck, I'm special aren't I
My goals in life are as follows
-To master my personal management and attitude by pushing myself into increasingly more tricky situations to see if I lose my cool (I have lots of books to help me to that effect). In short: be happy all the time.
-To gain a photographic memory, amazing retention and 200wpm typing speed (in the English languages - might learn other languages on keyboard plus programming stuff)
-To become a dectathlete and a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, or as close to those as I can (I have a thing for practical versatility (it = pure freedom). I'd also love to learn some sports.
-To earn a 500k yearly income and get 2.1million in savings.
-To practice some of the practical spirituality techniques I've read about to see if they are real - namely out of body experiences/astral dynamics, lucid dreaming, manifesting/LOA, remote viewing, and on the more powerful end, chakras, and hallucinogens . Any one of those is a much longer practice for sure.
- To play anything I hear or read on drums, keys, guitar/bass, or vocals. Plus there's a laundry list of about 13 other instruments that I would love to own. I will travel everywhere and I will learn it through first hands, or degrees.
- Finally, I want a network of sharp minded business associates I can trust, who want to change the world, friends I can tell anything to, and a gal to die for. And a kick-ass house.
6 buckets, 13 goals. Away we go.
OK, the plan at the moment is to create a business whereby I provide other local businesses, optimized search marketing and a better online presence. 1 client at the low end could be about 10k a year (1k a month recurring) 10 of those, bleh, you can do the math. I'm going to some local business meetups to get this going. Once I have that figure, I will start automating and putting money into arbitrage and penny stock. I like how my fingers feel when I'm just flowing into this blog. I like nearly everything Underworld have done except their slower stuff. I like the colour red, and I like romance - or that deep feeling of bliss. Chemically they might be the same. Curiouser and curiouser. My brain waves still might be syncing at the moment and my neurons must still be waking up to give such a verbal waffling, but we are going to go and go until I've painted a sufficient picture of the coloured sunsets, and muffled alien whispers, and parched dilemmas, and twin sun solar systems, the rings of neptune in perfect blue, and I think I've caught my sister's cold
A few things:
This place is the place to purge my pretentions and goals to dominate my world, because no one else would take it seriously if I told them how seriously I take this and no one else outside is really listening anyway - they're worried about themselves, and I don't mean that in a vindictive fashion - the self image is an almost impossible beast to tame. just that when I type I feel in flow. I feel in flow with my mind, like I am respecting it truly for once, and feeding all the things I'm good at - reading, writing, self reflexion, and mad typing. I can almost type at the speed I'm thinking this, I actually have patience with my life experience in relation to how well my fingers operate as I think. They're almost fast enough to keep up with my thinking, which is more than I can say for anything else. The practice paid off. It also purges my ego and whatever else might be saying words in there. I honestly think this: I love the innocent kindness that touches someone else's soul. It's my favourite thing in the world. It feels truly good on the utterly deepest level. I'm smiling as I say this....it's creeping across my face!!rrgr :)
Enough reflexivity! Yes, back to 'ridiculous' plans that others would laugh at me for suggesting. (oh here's another one - be part of the movement to cure cancer with cannabis, sorry Dad for embarrassing you and practically putting you out of a job...) (EDIT - that makes me sound like the hippies and I take it back because the medical industry has done good) (EDIT - it's also probably killed a lot of people due to bad data management and overworked staff) (EDIT - I'm actually really glad we have the NHS and the most prudent thing despite everyone's attempt to get you over on their side is to keep it running and celebrate everyone who works there)
I can currently feel a warm band of burning THC in the top back right of my head, and the forward middle right. Healing is good for you. Two Months Off is on loop, and curtains are hanging somber over the secret sleep deck. But the air is charged and I can take my mind anywhere I want and you get to read it at the speedo of light, and wonder why everyone else doesn't talk this effervescently and with such free flowing gumption and utter suction of mental gravity to sit down and discuss with you plans to deconstruct this current blog narrative and convey that my mind is being sucked out of my head by a spiritual vacuum cleaner, which is different to a spiritual vacuum.
A very important lesson is to feel alive. I think I might have chemical depression because I have never, not once, talked to anyone ever about the times I would get tremendously sad and no one would notice - I don't think I expected anyone to understand the complex layers I had built up in my mind from a young age, it was my own private universe that I would retreat to whilst everyone else was doing something either boring, confusing, or terrifying. There was no grand artistic twist in the tale, I don't have Aspergers, I'm just very intense and very smart, sadly I know i. I think the gravity of my own self importance might have contributed to my crumble when no one showed up - not that no one shouldn't have, but, buried in the sadness there was a part of me that almost expected someone to attend to me right away just because I was sad, and then another part of me on top of those 2 that was self conscious and loathing of the fact commenting on the whole situation, plus I immediately intuitively understood all of those right away verbally, which is an extreme level of emotional intelligence and highly unusual for a ...5 year old to both have and understand. I mean....fuck, I'm special aren't I
My goals in life are as follows
-To master my personal management and attitude by pushing myself into increasingly more tricky situations to see if I lose my cool (I have lots of books to help me to that effect). In short: be happy all the time.
-To gain a photographic memory, amazing retention and 200wpm typing speed (in the English languages - might learn other languages on keyboard plus programming stuff)
-To become a dectathlete and a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, or as close to those as I can (I have a thing for practical versatility (it = pure freedom). I'd also love to learn some sports.
-To earn a 500k yearly income and get 2.1million in savings.
-To practice some of the practical spirituality techniques I've read about to see if they are real - namely out of body experiences/astral dynamics, lucid dreaming, manifesting/LOA, remote viewing, and on the more powerful end, chakras, and hallucinogens . Any one of those is a much longer practice for sure.
- To play anything I hear or read on drums, keys, guitar/bass, or vocals. Plus there's a laundry list of about 13 other instruments that I would love to own. I will travel everywhere and I will learn it through first hands, or degrees.
- Finally, I want a network of sharp minded business associates I can trust, who want to change the world, friends I can tell anything to, and a gal to die for. And a kick-ass house.
6 buckets, 13 goals. Away we go.
OK, the plan at the moment is to create a business whereby I provide other local businesses, optimized search marketing and a better online presence. 1 client at the low end could be about 10k a year (1k a month recurring) 10 of those, bleh, you can do the math. I'm going to some local business meetups to get this going. Once I have that figure, I will start automating and putting money into arbitrage and penny stock. I like how my fingers feel when I'm just flowing into this blog. I like nearly everything Underworld have done except their slower stuff. I like the colour red, and I like romance - or that deep feeling of bliss. Chemically they might be the same. Curiouser and curiouser. My brain waves still might be syncing at the moment and my neurons must still be waking up to give such a verbal waffling, but we are going to go and go until I've painted a sufficient picture of the coloured sunsets, and muffled alien whispers, and parched dilemmas, and twin sun solar systems, the rings of neptune in perfect blue, and I think I've caught my sister's cold
...and it feels good. 02/10/10
Hello humans! I'm writing this blog and compelled to make subconscious insertions about how it's all been done before and how boring I am and how this is an excuse not to listen to me. Whatever.
I'm Sam, a terminally ill 23 year old in Loughborough. I am a budding one-man band, entrepreneur, and mental and social escape artist. I've been doing the latter ever since I recorded over my parents tapes and took them around with fascination since that young age. My reaction nowadays would be to sit that young child in front of some Dan Kennedy tapes and Machiavelli, and learn about sales and social misfortune, with the stern discipline of a maniac determined to mould his youngling in ubermensch splendor. Actually, that happened, except 20 years later than expected, and mainly by accident, so whatever happens in this ticking time bomb of a brain will be summarily and on routine spat out in whatever verbal colour is inhabiting my consciousness (current hook is pretention and ego). Some things will make sense, others may not, but you're about to cut the fine line between boredom and depression into several chunks of white hot fury
I'm going to write, and it's going to be fun! Why? I enjoy words, I suppose that is the closest you can come to utter satisfaction with something. Merging into the divine of just utter flow, wouldn't you say? As mentioned, parents have been bugging me to document my experience ever since I was diagnosed with supposedly 'terminal' brain cancer 9 months ago. So I decided to just this moment, agree with them. I thought it would be forced and facetious, but it's flowing more cleanly than the sewers of London.
One point I want to address - I believe there is no inbuilt meaning into life, that only our presence gives things meaning. By presence I mean emotional flow, which is what emotions are (energy in motion), and how fast those things flow determines a particular emotional state. Negative things or positive things come to you according to if you match with how it makes you feel on a consistent basis. This is the basis of the 'law of attraction', and I don't see why so many people are complaining about that since considering at the root of it all, it's just energy physics... Besides, said people are not open to the idea because of their own emotional state, so there you go!
So let's continue. I am currently at my parents house, treating myself with hi grade cannabis oil ('Run From The Cure' on YouTube), listening to Underworld live and planning an elaborate and jawdropping escape plan worthy of my Hollywood captors from oh so long ago. Andy Du Freisne broke out of Shawshank Prison in 15 years, I plan to break out from unemployment and social stratification in just 3, whilst defeating my bitch of a brain tumour, Anna, who has the personality of a sleeping warthog. As I type, I've realised the entire basis of my misery -
I have had no avenue from which to completely freshly talk, utterly freely, in every direction.
But now I do. I will be a blogger, and I will be unrestrained, because Satan has strapped a rocket to my head. Those who don't like long words or honesty, fuck off.
I'm Sam, a terminally ill 23 year old in Loughborough. I am a budding one-man band, entrepreneur, and mental and social escape artist. I've been doing the latter ever since I recorded over my parents tapes and took them around with fascination since that young age. My reaction nowadays would be to sit that young child in front of some Dan Kennedy tapes and Machiavelli, and learn about sales and social misfortune, with the stern discipline of a maniac determined to mould his youngling in ubermensch splendor. Actually, that happened, except 20 years later than expected, and mainly by accident, so whatever happens in this ticking time bomb of a brain will be summarily and on routine spat out in whatever verbal colour is inhabiting my consciousness (current hook is pretention and ego). Some things will make sense, others may not, but you're about to cut the fine line between boredom and depression into several chunks of white hot fury
I'm going to write, and it's going to be fun! Why? I enjoy words, I suppose that is the closest you can come to utter satisfaction with something. Merging into the divine of just utter flow, wouldn't you say? As mentioned, parents have been bugging me to document my experience ever since I was diagnosed with supposedly 'terminal' brain cancer 9 months ago. So I decided to just this moment, agree with them. I thought it would be forced and facetious, but it's flowing more cleanly than the sewers of London.
One point I want to address - I believe there is no inbuilt meaning into life, that only our presence gives things meaning. By presence I mean emotional flow, which is what emotions are (energy in motion), and how fast those things flow determines a particular emotional state. Negative things or positive things come to you according to if you match with how it makes you feel on a consistent basis. This is the basis of the 'law of attraction', and I don't see why so many people are complaining about that since considering at the root of it all, it's just energy physics... Besides, said people are not open to the idea because of their own emotional state, so there you go!
So let's continue. I am currently at my parents house, treating myself with hi grade cannabis oil ('Run From The Cure' on YouTube), listening to Underworld live and planning an elaborate and jawdropping escape plan worthy of my Hollywood captors from oh so long ago. Andy Du Freisne broke out of Shawshank Prison in 15 years, I plan to break out from unemployment and social stratification in just 3, whilst defeating my bitch of a brain tumour, Anna, who has the personality of a sleeping warthog. As I type, I've realised the entire basis of my misery -
I have had no avenue from which to completely freshly talk, utterly freely, in every direction.
But now I do. I will be a blogger, and I will be unrestrained, because Satan has strapped a rocket to my head. Those who don't like long words or honesty, fuck off.
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