I don't know what's going to happen. It's very scary. This horrible pain in my stomach must mean I've done something wrong. I wish this would go away. My future is so uncertain. My body is so unstable. I blame myself for this terrible occurence. Why did this happen? Why now, why me? I don't know. All I know is the shaking and the intense fear. God must think I am a lesser soul. The way they all laughed at me made me feel so low. Maybe if I hide under the table again I'll be safe. This is my fault. I wish I could communicate to them without them hurting me. This is evidence I can't get what I want and life will move on without me. I have to act a certain way to gain approval so they don't beat on me. How can worthiness be true when I have lived and experienced so much? Is my body just at everyone's mercy?
I shouldn't have been involved with those people. I shouldn't have done those things. I shouldn't have holed myself away from others. How could I be so stupid?
I should work harder. This can't possibly work for me.
How could they tell me to get in shape? And make me do all these things I don't want? It was such a waste for me. All that time wasted, all those people disappointed. It hurts badly.
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